My First Mother's Day

As luck would have it, I am in a blogging sort of mood and our laptop is on the fritz. Go figure. I am attempting to blog from the ipad with limited success, so I may just have to try again later. Anywho...on Sunday I got to celebrate my first official Mother's Day (with a baby on the outside). Last year I was 7 months pregnant with Luca. Santi made me a delicious breakfast and got me some roses, and I remember wondering what it might be like to celebrate with my little one. This year I enjoyed my day with my amazing little family attending church (where we sat in the parent room and Luca plowed through an entire snack container of puffs and Cheerios), going out to breakfast, and taking our first family trip to the pool. Luca LOVED the pool, just as we had anticipated. The kid is a huge fan of water. Period. It doesn't matter if it's in a bath, a pool, or the dog's dish. He wanted nothing to do with the baby floating tube. He only wanted to be held so he could splash around. I am pretty sure he would have jumped right in if we had let him. I love watching him experience things for the first time. It's one of the best parts of being a mom. I love being a mom. Even on the days I am just completely tapped out. It's not an easy job by any means, but I wouldn't want to change a thing about our life with Luca.

May Musings

Wow, I was going about my morning mommy duties of getting Luca ready for daycare this morning when it occurred to me that today was the first day of May. I would say that it snuck up on me, but I have been counting down the minutes until the end of the school year since...oh...November 1st when I went back to work after maternity leave. May is a magical month. It's probably one of the most busy and hectic months of the school year, but summer is so close you can almost taste it. There is just something about knowing that you are in the final month of the school year that puts a spring in your step. The end is in sight, and a much needed vacation awaits. I am going to be honest here, this school year was probably my most challenging in my 6 years of teaching. I think it has even come close to topping the year I taught 5th grade, which is saying a lot. It's taken some time to get into the groove of being a working mommy. Starting the school year with my kiddos in November was NOT easy, especially since we had gone from a full day kindergarten program to a half day. NIGHTMARE. It was also hard being away from Luca all day, and really just the logistics of functioning as a teacher on very little sleep thanks to my most favorite little guy keeping me up all night many, many nights. That's no easy feat for any teacher, and with the class I had this year it was down right exhausting. I felt like I was going about my days in a fog most of the time. The house was always a wreck, sometimes we would eat a decent dinner, and forget about relaxing. Add several pumping sessions throughout the day (including two at work) and I am surprised I have survived the last 6 months at all. It hasn't been an easy road, and I will be the first to admit that the stress got the best of me many, many times. Too many. I allowed it to take over way too often, and I saw myself becoming a person I didn't want to be. Grouchy, bitter, short-tempered. Once again I felt God calling me to take a leap of faith. I just knew that it was time to move on from the school I have called home for the past 5 years. I knew that it was not a good situation for me, and it was not allowing me to be the mommy and wife I want to be. Despite my common sense telling me it was too much of a risk to resign without another job lined up, I turned in my letter of resignation in March. I had to trust God once again. I had to free myself up so that He could reveal Himself to me once again. Let me tell you, GOD IS GOOD! Now when you are waiting for God to show up in a big way, it's not always easy. In fact, it's scary. At least for me. I struggle with faith sometimes. I guess this is why he is always testing me and urging me to let go and let Him. I know He is growing my faith every day. Well, He did show up in a big way, and I am so thankful for His mercies. I was offered (and of course accepted!) a first grade teaching position in Litchfield Park. I fell in love with the principal, school, and teachers right away. It just felt right, and I breathed such a sigh of relief when I got the offer. I knew it was the perfect fit for me, and I knew that God had my best interest in mind when he nudged me to take that change and put myself out there. I feel a new energy and excitement for life, and I can't wait to see what this change does for me and for our family.

Mommy Fail

It's been a month since I blogged!!!! I know, I have been a real slacker. Mommy fail. Let's just say that the last month has been a very busy one. Our favorite little guy is growing like a weed. Those two bottom teeth are all the way in now, and man is it CUTE! I can't stand it! I wish I had more time to keep on every little detail of his first year because every single moment is so special. I get so wrapped up in the day to day things and I am so afraid of missing something. I can't believe his first Easter is just around the corner. We picked up his basket (ok, the Easter Bunny brought it) last week. Of course it has all sorts of sports things on it. Mommy may have eaten all the candy out of it already. I am dying to take him to see the Easter Bunny this weekend. Daddy thinks it's a terrible idea since he has some serious stranger anxiety at this age. Hey, it's a right of passage, and we skipped out on the whole Santa thing. Hopefully I can get some time to pick out an Easter outfit for him and we'll make it to the mall.
This past month, in addition to hitting the 8 month mark and getting his first two teeth, he also had his first trip to the zoo, stuck his toes in the pool, and started his new daycare. He has also added several "real" foods to his menu, including guacamole from Chipotle which he LOVED. He knows the good stuff! Spring break was such a welcome reprieve and I am so thankful that Santi had some time off work so we could enjoy some family time together. It was much needed!
 I cannot believe he will already be 9 months old in another week or so. That is just crazy. He has mastered the army crawl, and he is trying so hard to get going on all fours. He will get himself up, but then he isn't quite sure how to get moving. He is also desperate to pull himself to standing and will practically do a head stand attempting to get on his feet. I have a feeling I am going to wake up one day and he is going to be running through the house. It seems like these things just happen over night. Last week we booked our trip to Indiana for his 1st birthday, and I realized that we have not left the city of Phoenix in over a year (except our one mommy and daddy weekend in Vegas)! Man, having a baby really does change your life! I am so excited to take Luca to Indiana for the first time, and I am really excited that he will finally get to meet his great grandparents. I am sure he will have quite the turn out for his big day. I can't wait!
Along with watching Luca grow, I have been busy milling over some big life decisions. After a LOT, and I mean a LOT, of thinking and praying I have made the difficult decision to leave my current school district at the end of this year. I have spent five years at my school, worked with some amazing teachers, taught some wonderful kids, met some great families, and learned a lot about myself as an educator and as a person. It's going to be very bittersweet walking out those doors for the last time in May, but I feel that God is calling me in a new direction. I am not sure exactly what that means, but I am going to trust in Him and see what he has in store for me. He has never lead me astray, and I am sure it's something fantastic. I am still anxious, but excited at the same time.
Thanks for reading, and here is some serious cuteness for your time:

7 Months and So Many Changes

Wow. On Sunday our precious little baby turned 7 months old. Not only that, but in a matter of days he became an expert at sitting (no more toppling over), learned how to wave hi, and started army crawling forward and backward. I think it's time to finish the baby-proofing. I cannot believe how fast he is growing. My heart melts when I see pictures of him as a newborn. It seems like I blinked and that tiny baby doubled in size. Life has changed so much since he arrived, and even though balancing the demands of motherhood and a full time job is exhausting, I would do it over and over again. Luca has filled our lives with so much joy. He is such an incredible blessing.
While Luca is busy reaching milestones and changing every day, I am dealing with changes of my own. I have been praying for a long time for God to provide a way for me to stay at home with Luca. It makes me sick knowing that half of my paycheck goes to childcare and that I could be spending my days with him instead of other people's children. I struggle with this every.single.day. While I love teaching, I don't want to look back and regret the time I have missed with him. I am thankful that I am in a career that gives me 3 months off every year, but it's still not enough. So, as contract time approaches I am spending a lot of time praying for God to guide my decision and give me peace about it. I don't know what the future holds, and I am trying to remind myself daily that He is faithful. That He knows our deepest desires and has our best in mind. I am feeling called to take yet another leap of faith in life, and just like the last one, I am sure it won't be without struggles, but I know that He will provide. He is good. He is faithful. I am reminded of that every day when I look into the eyes of my precious rainbow baby (a rainbow baby refers to a baby born after a loss).