Arizona on My Mind

Somehow it has been 8 months since we left our Arizona home. I cannot believe we have been away that long. Luca has been requesting his "Goodnight Arizona" book regularly lately, and he still talks about Arizona all the time. He also asks when we can go back. That tugs at my heart a little. I hope that he is able to retain those special memories of Arizona, but I know that he was still so young when we left. I was just thinking about Arizona the other day as we watched the footage of the Super Bowl in Phoenix. It's a weird position to be in, having two places that I consider "home". I was born and raised in Southern Indiana...this will always be home. But we began our married/adult life in Arizona, and in the 7 years we lived there we made so many memories. It feels like home too. And no matter where we live, we will always be missing something, and that's hard sometimes. When we were there we desperately missed family, but being here we miss our desert life style and all the memories we left behind there. I think not knowing when we will be able to afford to go back and visit also makes it difficult. I think about our first home that we left behind on Desert Bloom St. and all the special moments that happened within those stucco walls, and it's hard not to be sentimental. It's also strange to know that Mila will never know Arizona aside from pictures or future visits. However I will never forget that we learned of our pregnancy with Mila in that teal bathroom in our little desert home, just like we did with Luca's. She is our last little memory that we took from Arizona, and I can't wait to teach her all about it one day.

Settling In

It's been 4 weeks since Ms. Mila entered our lives. I cannot believe how fast the time is flying by! The first three weeks were mostly a breeze. Santi was home with us 2 weeks more than we had planned on after accepting a new job (YAY...more on that later). It was so wonderful having him at home to help out. He was able to take care of Luca and keep him entertained with outings and of course sports while I took care of Mila and tried to rest as much as possible with a newborn. Last week he started training for his new job, which unfortunately was out of town, and he had an additional week of training out of town this week. Mila has also been more awake and alert, and life is starting to become more like what I pictured life with two little people would be...chaotic, joyful, exhausting, challenging, overwhelming, and amazing all at the same time. I am trying to enjoy my maternity leave and the extra time with Mr. Luca, but these last two weeks have admittedly been a challenge since Santi was away and my in-laws are out of the country. It's definitely hard being up all night with a newborn and then having to entertain a three year old (while also still caring for a sometimes fussy newborn) all day with no relief in the evenings. Thankfully my mom stepped in to help out a couple of days, which was a lifesaver! I just keep reminding myself that this season will pass so quickly. My days of no showers, spit up covered clothing, messy hair, and sweatpants are temporary...just like those sweet sleepy newborn smiles, milk drunk faces, and tiny frog legs. I remember this season with Luca, and how much I struggled through the early weeks as I adjusted to our new normal and life with a baby. It was difficult adjusting to my new role as a mother and in some respects mourning the loss of the life we led before parenthood. I remember how overcome with love I was with Luca, while at the same time feeling a bit lost because my life had changed so much. This time around, Mila has brought big changes to our lives in much the same way Luca did, but as an experienced mom, I know that we will soon get in the groove of this new life, and having her in it brings us so much joy and fulfillment. I can already see how much Luca loves his sister, and his sweet endearing words of "she is the cutest baby in the world" just melt my heart. While I look forward to seeing them interact more, and their relationship bloom as she grows older, I am not about to rush this time. I know it will pass to fast.
Now that Mila is here, I finally feel like we are ready to find some "normal" in our lives after all of the changes we have had lately. If you would have told me last February that in just 365 days we would be living in Bloomington with new jobs, a new house, AND a new baby...I would have said you were crazy. Life is crazy. Sometimes I wonder what God is thinking when he throws these things at us, but I know from experience that He always has a plan and a purpose. I never want to get comfortable where we are. I always want to be moving forward in faith and discovering who we are and God's plan for our lives. I know now that our focus for now is on loving our family of four, raising our children, and growing closer to Him as we work on our finances and pray about opportunities for us in the future to possibly grow our family through adoption or foster care.
We are thankful that God has provided a new job for Santi as assistant manager at Old National Bank, and we look forward to seeing how God moves through this new position and how it strengthens our family as it allows for him to be home earlier and more often, and a regular non-commission based paycheck. This is such a blessing.

Sotomayor...Party of 4....Coming Soon

I cannot believe we are going to be a family of 4 NEXT MONTH!!!! Time is flying. Life is crazy. Welcoming baby number two is so very different than baby number three. So different. Add in the Christmas craziness and I feel so unprepared. I still can't wrap my mind around the idea that this is our last Christmas as a family of 3, and I am trying to savor every memory and moment. I remember this point with Luca, and we were just over the moon excited to finally be parents and to meet our little boy. But we were definitely anxious about our new roles and all of the changes. This time it's a very different kind of anxious. We are so excited to meet Mila and add another little personality to our family, but this time our anxieties revolve around how Luca will adjust and how we will handle two kids. I worry a lot about how he will react, and I worry about how I will meet his needs and hers. I remember when Luca was born I had a really difficult time finding myself in my new role as a mommy, and I was trying to figure out how to maintain my identity as a wife and teacher in addition to mommy. This time around I feel confident in who I am as a wife, mother, and teacher. I know what it's like to have a newborn. Most importantly I know how quickly that first year passes by, and I want to slow down this time and really take in every stage. This is mostly likely our last biological baby, and I don't want to miss a moment in these next couple of months. It will be gone in a flash. I look at my three year old Luca now and I can't believe I blinked and I missed it. He is a big boy now. He is about to be a big brother. Where has the time gone?! I feel like life has been on fast forward since he was born. As we approach the next few weeks, my hope and prayer is that God would prepare our hearts for this special new blessing that is about to change our family forever. I pray that God would carry me through this last month of pregnancy and that baby Mila would arrive healthy in his perfect timing. All the details will fall into place. Everything WILL get done. I am trusting in His grace and mercies to provide the strength and energy needed for the weeks ahead.

A New Season

Not only are we experiencing a new season outside (FINALLY fall has arrived in the valley), but I feel like we are moving towards a new season in our family. In August I turned the big 3-0. It kind of slipped right by me with little acknowledgement. Having a birthday in the first week of school (on the second day none the less) really makes celebrating and enjoying it difficult. On top of that, shortly after my birthday we were hit by some pretty serious medical issues with Santi that left him out of work for 7 weeks. Thankfully we are now getting back to normal, but it was a rough time there for awhile. But I feel like I need to go back and dive into my feelings about turning 30, look back on the last decade, and talk about what I feel that God has in store for me and for our family in the coming months. I can't deny the fact that over the last couple of months since all of this has happened, God has come in an shaken up our family in a HUGE way. Have you ever experienced one of those big God moments in your life? Suddenly everything is clear, even when your world feels like it's been turned upside down and inside out. The last time our lives were shaken up like this and God worked through our pain and fears was when we were going through our pregnancy losses. While dealing with medical issues is extremely stressful, not only because I was worried deeply about the person that I love so much, but because I was also tasked with being two parents at once while working full-time. But despite how exhausting and overwhelming the last 7 weeks have been, I can look back now that the smoke has cleared and say THANK YOU God. THANK YOU! Not only have our eyes been opened to God's plan and purpose for our family in the coming months as well as the desires of our hearts, but we have grown closer together and developed a deeper love and understanding for one another. While the desire to return to Indiana has always been there (especially since Luca was born), it was made very clear that we need to adjust our priorities in our lives right now and be close to our families. We realized just how desperately we want Luca to have his grandparents and cousins around. How important those relationships are, and how much our lives would be changed if we were closer. Not only that but we strongly desire to have more children (God willing) and we know the value of having family nearby when we take on that endeavor. We don't know yet what this will look like for us in the months ahead, and all we can do at this point is trust in Him and allow Him to guide our decisions. I know that if this is truly His will for us, He will make a way. We will get more serious about the job search and selling the house come spring, but for now we are truly excited about the possibilities that lie ahead.
Even though I turned 30 with little thought, I know that it is a big milestone and that the next decade is going to hold a lot of big things for our family. I know it's going to take a lot of hard work, but I can't wait to see what He has in store. Looking back on the last ten years it's crazy to think about everything I have accomplished and experienced. Ten years ago I had just turned 20 and was settling into my first apartment. I was in my second year of college and still trying to find my way. At 21 I let go of some of my past that was holding me back and I took a big chance and went to Mexico alone for the summer. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I am so thankful I did it. Shortly after I returned from Mexico I met Santiago, and from there my life really began to change. At 22 I was engaged to be married and graduated from college. At 23 I married my best friend and we began our journey together as husband and wife. At 24 I began my teaching career in Arizona. At 25 we moved into our first home together and traveled to Ecuador for the first time. At 26 we lost our first two pregnancies. At 27 I completed my Master's degree and became pregnant with and gave birth to our first son Luca. At 28 I landed a new teaching position at one of the best districts in the state. And here I am now at 30, waiting to see what exciting things my 30's will hold. I can hardly wait!

Keeping It Real

We've been busy. That's an understatement. My blogging has slacked (yet again). The beginning of a new school year always seems to get the best of me. Oh, and our summer was pretty jam packed as well. With that being said, it's time to get real. We are currently experiencing one of those God moments in our lives. You know, the kind that stop you in your tracks and make you "get real" with yourself? Yeah, that kind. I keep telling myself that the end result of this is going to be good. God has a plan. Sometimes I just fail to see that plan until he hits me with a wake up call. Like three years ago when I was pretending like I didn't hear him calling me to take that leap of faith and start our family. Going through our miscarriages and fertility issues was by far the most difficult thing we have been through as a married couple, but wow that was a life changing time. I have never felt so close to God, or seen the evidence of His presence so clearly. So here's what's real:
A couple of weeks ago Santi had an episode of feeling really dizzy while we were out to eat for Andrea's birthday. We went to the ER and his blood pressure was really high, and medications didn't seem to bring it down. We were sent home with orders to see his doctor the next day. After two weeks of doctor and specialist visits and time in and out of the ER (thankfully Santi's wonderful parents were able to fly out to help), we are still waiting patiently for the results of several tests he had done last week. The thought is that it may be a problem with his adrenal glad that is causing all of his issues, and may have even been the culprit for his high blood pressure that he has been dealing with for years. Hopefully tomorrow we should have more information. In the meantime he is still off work per doctor's orders, and I am playing mommy, nurse, teacher, chef, and housekeeper. Now I realize just how much I value my dear husband and what he does for our family. Being a single mom is rough! I am exhausted, and I am trying to keep a clear mind and firm grasp on the peace that surpasses all understanding. And it's not easy holding it together. But the show must go on. I am so thankful in all of this for the truly amazing people in our lives that have jumped in to help and support us while we work though this. Meals, prayers, help with housework and Luca...it's humbling. Through all of this, God has brought a lot of clarity, and I have realized the need for a shift in priorities in our family, and it's been an incredible blessing. I know that He is working in our family right now, and "I will remain confident in this, I will see the goodness of the Lord."

In the meantime, we seriously have the cutest, sweetest little boy in the entire world. I don't know where I would be without that kid. I really and truly don't. Even when he is a total two year old tyrant. I just can't get enough. I know this hasn't been easy for him either, but he's a trooper, and I love him for it.

May Musings

Wow, I was going about my morning mommy duties of getting Luca ready for daycare this morning when it occurred to me that today was the first day of May. I would say that it snuck up on me, but I have been counting down the minutes until the end of the school year since...oh...November 1st when I went back to work after maternity leave. May is a magical month. It's probably one of the most busy and hectic months of the school year, but summer is so close you can almost taste it. There is just something about knowing that you are in the final month of the school year that puts a spring in your step. The end is in sight, and a much needed vacation awaits. I am going to be honest here, this school year was probably my most challenging in my 6 years of teaching. I think it has even come close to topping the year I taught 5th grade, which is saying a lot. It's taken some time to get into the groove of being a working mommy. Starting the school year with my kiddos in November was NOT easy, especially since we had gone from a full day kindergarten program to a half day. NIGHTMARE. It was also hard being away from Luca all day, and really just the logistics of functioning as a teacher on very little sleep thanks to my most favorite little guy keeping me up all night many, many nights. That's no easy feat for any teacher, and with the class I had this year it was down right exhausting. I felt like I was going about my days in a fog most of the time. The house was always a wreck, sometimes we would eat a decent dinner, and forget about relaxing. Add several pumping sessions throughout the day (including two at work) and I am surprised I have survived the last 6 months at all. It hasn't been an easy road, and I will be the first to admit that the stress got the best of me many, many times. Too many. I allowed it to take over way too often, and I saw myself becoming a person I didn't want to be. Grouchy, bitter, short-tempered. Once again I felt God calling me to take a leap of faith. I just knew that it was time to move on from the school I have called home for the past 5 years. I knew that it was not a good situation for me, and it was not allowing me to be the mommy and wife I want to be. Despite my common sense telling me it was too much of a risk to resign without another job lined up, I turned in my letter of resignation in March. I had to trust God once again. I had to free myself up so that He could reveal Himself to me once again. Let me tell you, GOD IS GOOD! Now when you are waiting for God to show up in a big way, it's not always easy. In fact, it's scary. At least for me. I struggle with faith sometimes. I guess this is why he is always testing me and urging me to let go and let Him. I know He is growing my faith every day. Well, He did show up in a big way, and I am so thankful for His mercies. I was offered (and of course accepted!) a first grade teaching position in Litchfield Park. I fell in love with the principal, school, and teachers right away. It just felt right, and I breathed such a sigh of relief when I got the offer. I knew it was the perfect fit for me, and I knew that God had my best interest in mind when he nudged me to take that change and put myself out there. I feel a new energy and excitement for life, and I can't wait to see what this change does for me and for our family.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

You know that song about changes right? Well...we have one big life change to announce. No, unfortunately we aren't expecting again....but Santi did get a new job!!! As of Monday morning, his new title will be personal banker at Chase. This isn't exactly the opportunity we had been imagining when he finished school and began his job search, but we have prayed and prayed about the "right" opportunity coming his way, and we believe that this is the opportunity God feels is right for him at this point. The pay will be about the same as Verizon, but the kicker is that he will have regular hours! This may not seem like a huge deal, but it is. It's is such an amazing blessing to know that he will now be working normal M-F hours with weekends off! Since we began dating over 6 years ago, one of us has always had an irregular schedule with weekend shifts. This will be the first time we will be on the same schedule, and we are so thrilled. I know he is anxious about starting something new after three years at Verizon, and we are hoping and praying that this new job renews his spirit. He has been so exhausted with retail hours and stress for the last couple of years, and why we are very thankful for the wonderful opportunities he had at Verizon, especially with them paying for his school, we are looking forward to what this new job may bring.