Dear Luca

Dear Mr. Luca,
Tomorrow I will head back to work after being home with you and your baby sister for the last 8 weeks. I know you have enjoyed being home with us, and we have had a lot of fun together. I will really miss being with you all day, but I know summer is just around the corner and we are going to make it count! I know how much you have been missing the warm weather and being able to get outside and play. Almost daily you ask if it's warm enough to wear "cut shirts" yet. It's been an adjustment for you not only having a new baby sister that dictates a lot of our days, but also winter weather that keeps us indoors much more than we would like. Trust me, I am itching to get out too! Every day I look at you and I just can't believe how old you look now. I also can't believe you will be 4 this summer. We just registered you for your 4 year old class at preschool, and you were really excited to see that they had Power Rangers. Now you ask at preschool drop off every day if you get to go to your new class yet. You are all about super heroes and transformers lately. We just watched Big Hero 6 at least 5 times last weekend. You seem to have taken a break from sports, but I know that you will be thrilled to start soccer this spring. You also started swimming lessons last week, and you said it was your "super sport". You have been an amazing big brother to Mila, and I know it hasn't always been easy to share the attention. I am so impressed with how well you have adjusted to having a little sister. And it melts my heart to see how much you love her. You said she is the cutest baby in the world. You are always giving her kisses and bringing her toys. You also love showing her your monster trucks. And you always want to snuggle with her...sometimes a little too much. I know you are going to love it when she is bigger and able to play more. I am so proud of the little person you are becoming, and I am blessed to be your mom. I love you Luca Alberto!!!

Love,
Mommy

Dear Mila

Dear Ms. Mila,
My sweet baby girl. I cannot believe on Friday you will be 2 months old. These 2 months have been a blur. Since we survived those first few rocky weeks of sleep deprivation, it feels like we are really getting in the swing of things. You really had your days and nights mixed up for awhile, which was pretty rough with an older brother that doesn't nap anymore and needs mommy all day. But we made it, and you are starting to figure out this whole sleep at night thing. Maybe soon you will give me some longer stretches of sleep. You have started smiling quite a bit lately, and are most happy in the morning. But you can also be kind of dramatic when you are unhappy. You have the biggest, brightest eyes and the most precious little face. When you are awake you are always interested in what's going on around you, and you love to observe and take in the world around you. You think your older brother is pretty silly, and so far you have survived him. One day I know you will be able to defend yourself, and he's going to be in trouble. You are going to be a tough little girl! Even though he can be a little to rough, it's all out of love. And man he loves his little sister. I am so thankful you will always have Luca to watch out for you. You love to lay on your play mat, especially when Luca brings you toys. You have actually rolled over from your belly to your back a handful of times already! You also love your baths. I am looking forward to seeing how your personality develops over the months ahead. I can't wait for that first giggle, and I know it's just around the corner! Tomorrow I head back to work, and I will miss you dearly. I am looking forward to summer just a few months away!!!!

Love,
Mommy

Arizona on My Mind

Somehow it has been 8 months since we left our Arizona home. I cannot believe we have been away that long. Luca has been requesting his "Goodnight Arizona" book regularly lately, and he still talks about Arizona all the time. He also asks when we can go back. That tugs at my heart a little. I hope that he is able to retain those special memories of Arizona, but I know that he was still so young when we left. I was just thinking about Arizona the other day as we watched the footage of the Super Bowl in Phoenix. It's a weird position to be in, having two places that I consider "home". I was born and raised in Southern Indiana...this will always be home. But we began our married/adult life in Arizona, and in the 7 years we lived there we made so many memories. It feels like home too. And no matter where we live, we will always be missing something, and that's hard sometimes. When we were there we desperately missed family, but being here we miss our desert life style and all the memories we left behind there. I think not knowing when we will be able to afford to go back and visit also makes it difficult. I think about our first home that we left behind on Desert Bloom St. and all the special moments that happened within those stucco walls, and it's hard not to be sentimental. It's also strange to know that Mila will never know Arizona aside from pictures or future visits. However I will never forget that we learned of our pregnancy with Mila in that teal bathroom in our little desert home, just like we did with Luca's. She is our last little memory that we took from Arizona, and I can't wait to teach her all about it one day.

Settling In

It's been 4 weeks since Ms. Mila entered our lives. I cannot believe how fast the time is flying by! The first three weeks were mostly a breeze. Santi was home with us 2 weeks more than we had planned on after accepting a new job (YAY...more on that later). It was so wonderful having him at home to help out. He was able to take care of Luca and keep him entertained with outings and of course sports while I took care of Mila and tried to rest as much as possible with a newborn. Last week he started training for his new job, which unfortunately was out of town, and he had an additional week of training out of town this week. Mila has also been more awake and alert, and life is starting to become more like what I pictured life with two little people would be...chaotic, joyful, exhausting, challenging, overwhelming, and amazing all at the same time. I am trying to enjoy my maternity leave and the extra time with Mr. Luca, but these last two weeks have admittedly been a challenge since Santi was away and my in-laws are out of the country. It's definitely hard being up all night with a newborn and then having to entertain a three year old (while also still caring for a sometimes fussy newborn) all day with no relief in the evenings. Thankfully my mom stepped in to help out a couple of days, which was a lifesaver! I just keep reminding myself that this season will pass so quickly. My days of no showers, spit up covered clothing, messy hair, and sweatpants are temporary...just like those sweet sleepy newborn smiles, milk drunk faces, and tiny frog legs. I remember this season with Luca, and how much I struggled through the early weeks as I adjusted to our new normal and life with a baby. It was difficult adjusting to my new role as a mother and in some respects mourning the loss of the life we led before parenthood. I remember how overcome with love I was with Luca, while at the same time feeling a bit lost because my life had changed so much. This time around, Mila has brought big changes to our lives in much the same way Luca did, but as an experienced mom, I know that we will soon get in the groove of this new life, and having her in it brings us so much joy and fulfillment. I can already see how much Luca loves his sister, and his sweet endearing words of "she is the cutest baby in the world" just melt my heart. While I look forward to seeing them interact more, and their relationship bloom as she grows older, I am not about to rush this time. I know it will pass to fast.
Now that Mila is here, I finally feel like we are ready to find some "normal" in our lives after all of the changes we have had lately. If you would have told me last February that in just 365 days we would be living in Bloomington with new jobs, a new house, AND a new baby...I would have said you were crazy. Life is crazy. Sometimes I wonder what God is thinking when he throws these things at us, but I know from experience that He always has a plan and a purpose. I never want to get comfortable where we are. I always want to be moving forward in faith and discovering who we are and God's plan for our lives. I know now that our focus for now is on loving our family of four, raising our children, and growing closer to Him as we work on our finances and pray about opportunities for us in the future to possibly grow our family through adoption or foster care.
We are thankful that God has provided a new job for Santi as assistant manager at Old National Bank, and we look forward to seeing how God moves through this new position and how it strengthens our family as it allows for him to be home earlier and more often, and a regular non-commission based paycheck. This is such a blessing.

Ms. Mila Paz is Here!

Okay, so she technically arrived a week ago, but things are just now settling down enough for me to post something! Ms. Mila Paz arrived at 1:06am on 1/6/15. The labor and delivery went perfectly, and I am so thankful that she arrived a healthy 7lbs 2oz and 18in at 38 weeks, 6 days. I actually went back to work the first day after winter break, fully expecting (and dreading) another full week of work. I worked all day and felt fine, and thankfully it was an easy day since we were transitioning into a new schedule. I had a doctor's appointment after work at 4:15. Dr. Weiler decided to strip my membranes to see if that would get things going since I was already at 3cm. I left the doctor's office, picked up Luca, and headed home to get dinner ready. Of course the night before I had prepped a ton of food for lunches and dinners for the week thinking I would be too tired to cook anything. I sat on the couch with Luca for a few minutes and we watched some monster truck videos, then I decided I had better get up and get dinner together before Santi got home from the gym. As I was chopping tomatoes, I started to feel some back pain, and not even 10 minutes later the back pain turned into the all familiar contraction...funny how quickly that feeling comes back to you, even after three and a half years. I didn't think much of it at first because I had mild contractions with Luca for a good 12 hours before I was actually admitted to the hospital. Well...this was a different story. Those mild contractions quickly got stronger and closer together, and I decided to start timing them on my contraction app. Sure enough they were the real deal. I sent Santi a message and told him he better cut his workout short. He rushed home, and we decided to call his parents (this is when living down the street from the in-laws is really beneficial) to come get Luca. I felt bad because things happened so quickly I didn't feel like I had enough time to prepare Luca (even though we had spent months reading books, talking about being a big brother, etc.). I gave him a quick kiss and hug and tried not to get super emotional about leaving him. That didn't work. We headed to the hospital in a winter weather advisory. I had to laugh at us following the snow plows...Luca was born in the middle of a major dust storm. And there was a 100 degree temperature difference. I wonder if their personalities will be as different as their births. We arrived at the hospital and got checked in (which seemed like it took forever). That was around 9:30pm. By 12:00am I was 8-9cm and begging for an epidural and of course the anesthesiologist was in a surgery. He made it just in time...I almost had a natural delivery...unplanned. I actually debated it for a brief moment, but things were happening so fast and there was no break in those contractions. By 1:00am I was ready to push, and out she popped in just 3 pushes. EASY. My labor from start to finish was only about 6 hours. Luca's was over 24 hours. I'll take it! The doctor called her Speedy Gonzales, and the post partum nurse said "oh, you could have 4 more kids, you are good at this!"...I am flattered, but we are pretty certain our family is complete (at least biologically). Since we arrived home with Ms. Mila P a week ago, things have been exhausting...but there is so much joy in the midst of the sleep deprivation. Having two kids is amazing. And since motherhood is not new to me, and I am much more relaxed about having a newborn, I am really enjoying these early days. It hasn't been all easy though. Luca has had his moments of jealousy, and being stuck inside due to freezing cold weather doesn't help. He has been so wound up and with Santi and I going on no sleep it's a real challenge keeping up with him. I am getting really anxious for spring when we can bust out of the house! In addition to the challenges of having a newborn AND a three year old, I also am dealing with post partum hypertension. Never in my life did I imagine that would happen. Luckily I feel okay, but I have to admit it's stirring up some anxiety in me...on top of new mommy hormonal changes. I am being monitored once a week until it goes back down, which hopefully will be soon, but it could take up to 6 weeks. There is a new level of anxiety about my own health and well being now that I have two children that need me. I know I need to focus my heart and mind on Him and His grace, and trust that He will see me through. One day at a time as we navigate this new stage in life. We are beyond blessed. God is good, and His mercies are new every morning.