Dear Luca

Dear Mr. Luca,
I cannot believe we registered you for kindergarten a few weeks ago. It seems like only yesterday you were a diaper clad toddler. Tonight you sat in my lap and it felt like my baby had disappeared! All of a sudden there was a big kid sitting there. Those chubby toddler hands and feet have been replaced. You're getting so tall. And before I know it you will be 5. We will be putting you on the school bus and sending you on your way. And it just makes me want to stop time. It's just going to fast. I want to keep you little! But I know that would not be fair. You have big things to do, and God has an amazing plan for your life. As hard as it is watching you grow up so quickly, I look forward to seeing what your future holds. You are our sweet and sensitive little guy still. You are strong willed, and you don't back down, which I know will serve you well one day. It drives me crazy now. You are independent and outgoing. You love being with your friends at school and spending time with your cousins at grandpa and grandma's house. You are always open to trying new things, and you have the greatest imagination. You are always coming up with crazy ideas. You still love to dress up in different costumes. You are still a fan of sports, firemen, monster trucks, and superheroes. I don't ever want you to outgrow your imagination. I love watching your pretend play. You have also developed an interest in drawing and you are pretty creative! I am looking forward to spending this summer together doing all kinds of fun things. And I am especially excited about our big family vacation to Florida. I know you are going to love it, and I can't wait to relive all my favorite childhood memories from Florida. I love you kid. So so so so SO much.

Mommy

Dear Ms. Mila

Dear Mila,
I haven't been as good about your blog letters as I was with Luca. I know I will probably say this often, but the second child gets the short end of the stick! Life is busy, and I am constantly having to stop and remind myself to take notice of each passing day. Each passing milestone. You are growing so quickly and I cannot believe how quickly the baby days have gone by. The last few weeks you have ventured into the world of walking. You are still very cautious and hesitant, but you will take steps here and there. I think you are also a little impatient, and you have realized that crawling will get you where you want to be much faster than toddling along. We bought you a couple pairs of cute shoes last weekend. Your first real shoes. I think we are beginning a love of shoes and shopping:) A girl can't have too many pairs of shoes. You already like to take my headbands and put them on, even though if I put a headband on you it never stays put. You only want to wear mommy's things. The other day you wrapped Luca's pajama pants around your neck like a scarf. And this morning you grabbed my makeup brush and pretended to put on makeup. I know one day we will have a lot of fun mother/daughter days of shopping, pedicures, and makeup! Besides walking, you have also started babbling a lot more. It will be interesting to see what real words you will say first since you get so much Spanish with Abuelita. I am looking forward to this next stage with you. Toddlerhood is such a fun time! We love you!

Mommy

Happy 1st Birthday Mila Paz!!!

At this time one year ago, Santi and I packed Luca up and sent him to Abuelitos house, then headed to the hospital under a snow advisory...following behind a snow plow as the flakes were coming down. I had worked a full day, my first day back from winter break. I was still one week away from my due date, but I knew that she would come early just like her brother. I was hoping I wouldn't have to return from Christmas break at all, but one day back at school, going up and down all those stairs at Fairview, was just enough to get things going! Labor was much quicker than I anticipated (after laboring over 24 hours with Luca)...and Ms. Mila Paz Sotomayor arrived at 1:06am on 1/6/15. Less than 7 hours after the first contraction. She shared a birthday with one of the delivery nurses. Our little snowflake. We took her home the following day. On one of the coldest days of the year. She fit right into our little family from the very beginning. In many ways, she reminds me of Luca. She is a busy little girl, and doesn't like to stay still. And she can't be bothered with naps or sleeping. She doesn't want to miss a thing. And I guess at night she doesn't want to miss mommy and daddy because she loves to come snuggle in our bed every night. She knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it. Usually this involves high pitched screams or incessant pointing. As long as her demands are met, she is happy and easy going. She is sweet as can be. Loves to give kisses and dance. Waves bye bye. I think she says "baby" now, and "ve" (in Spanish). She also says mama and dada. She loves dogs, especially her big fur baby Tevez. She also loves her big brother, but she isn't afraid to let him know when he is in her way or when he has made her mad. She also has a serious side, and getting her to smile for pictures is next to impossible, as evidenced by her one year photo shoot. But I love how it captures her personality oh so perfectly. So thoughtful, observant, and a little skeptical. I still can't believe she is one. What a year it has been. It sounds so cliche, but I can't imagine life without her now. She was the missing piece to our family, and we are looking forward to watching her little personality continue to unfold!

Photos courtesy of Gift of Today Photography, Bloomington, Indiana

2016...Full of Grace

And suddenly a new year is upon us. 2016. This year Mila will turn one. In a matter of fact, in just one more day we will no longer have a "baby". I don't know how that's even possible. She will always be our baby. To say last year went by fast is an understatement. This year Luca will turn 5. And start KINDERGARTEN in the fall. My baby boy...in KINDERGARTEN. I can't even. Santi and I will celebrate 9 years of marriage. When I look ahead to the new year before us, the fresh beginning that January always brings, I don't want to make resolutions. Sure I have goals, hopes, and plans. But this year I want to focus on one word. Grace. Grace for myself, for my family, friends, coworkers, students...strangers. We are all a work in progress. We are all fighting internal battles. Some we share openly and others we don't. We all have feelings of inadequacy. Feelings of self doubt. Fears. In the past I have had a tendency to be hard on myself. And honestly sometimes too hard on those around me. Sometimes I expect too much. The expectations I set for myself sometimes lead to those negative feelings of self doubt and inadequacies. They creep up on me and cause me to miss out on God's best for me. So this week, this first full week of the new year, it wasn't perfect. And that's ok. I didn't start the year with a long list of resolutions to abide by. I didn't set myself up for failure, but I am focusing on one day at a time, and doing the best I can each day for me and for my family. And if I fail, there is always tomorrow. This weekend we celebrated Mila's first birthday. I started back to work today with birthday decorations still up. My house still a mess.  A few stray Christmas things still hanging around. I was battling a cold, and Luca missed his first day back at school. I was a little scattered at work, and completely unprepared to jump back into teaching my groups. Luca was wound up in the evening, and Santi got home late. I was tired and my patience were short. I wasn't perfect. I ate better today than I have in the last month. But I had a pop with dinner and I definitely ate more than I should have. I have yet to start exercising again. Our budget isn't perfect and we have some work to do in the coming months. But His mercies are new every morning. And we will get there. One day at a time. I am going to celebrate the little successes this year. And be kind to myself. More patient. More understanding. And I am going to take better care of myself. I am going to help Mila learn to sleep on her own so I can ultimately sleep. One night at a time. And tonight was my second successful night of not nursing her to sleep at bedtime. I am sure I will have setbacks with this just like anything else, but it's not all or nothing. We will get there. One step at a time. This is our year.

Dear Luca and Mila...

I should be sleeping now, I don't get much of it these days between colds and teething. But I'm happy to get up time and time again, as hard as it may be. As much as it wears me down. I know I'm needed. And I'm thankful to have you both. My reason for everything I do. Sometimes the exhaustion gets the best of me. I'm worn out. I'm out of patience. Being a working mom is hard, and there are days like today that I wish I could just be there for you any time I needed to be. Like today when I wanted so badly to be able to attend the book fair with you Luca. And how it broke my heart when you asked why I wasn't at your Thanksgiving party. I would have loved nothing more. But it's in the moments where I feel most inadequate that you show me so much love. You make me feel special. You make me proud to be your mommy. So proud. And I love you both with all of my heart. I hope that you always remember the special times, and not the times mommy wasn't there. And I hope you know you are always on my mind.