No Filter

Life can get tricky. Especially when you pile a bunch of major life changes on top of each other. The dust has settled and we are now tasked with figuring out what's next for our family. We are now a family of 4. We have adjusted to our big move for the most part. We are settled into our new jobs. We are comfortable in our new house and it's starting to feel like home. We are working through a new routine with a baby in the mix and Luca being involved in different activities. We are also trying to wade through the perils of parenting an almost 4 year old. We are trying to evolve our parenting style to fit his needs as he begins to test the waters and gain more independence. Parenting a preschooler is much harder than parenting a toddler or baby! It's so hard to figure out how to discipline effectively while at the same time protecting his heart and teaching him the important lessons he needs to learn in order to be successful in life. I want to make sure that he is able to handle any situation that may arise with confidence when we are not around to guide him. Sportsmanship, friendships, determination, grace, hard work, perseverance, commitment, understanding, and respect. It is HARD!
Life is hard. Being a parent is hard. Being a spouse is hard. Getting older is hard. I know in my mind "this too shall pass" and sooner rather than later my children will be grown up. And I'm not ready for that. At all. I want to savor every moment of their childhood. I want to fill out days with special memories. But that doesn't mean that it's easy. And sometimes it's just downright exhausting. And sometimes I just want a moment to myself. I want to sleep more than a few hours at a time. I want to be able to talk to my husband without being interrupted 7,467 times. Sometimes you just have to be real about life. 

Dear Luca

Hi Mr. Luca,
Am I really planning your 4th birthday party? Where has the time gone? You are definitely not a baby anymore, but you will always be MY baby. You are finishing up your spring soccer team, which was kind of a bust. You weren't as into soccer this spring, so I am wondering what you might be interested in next. Transformer Rescuebots have been a hit lately, and you love ordering them when you earn your ten stars on your good behavior chart. I am really excited about spending the summer with you and Mila. Last summer was a little crazy and I didn't get to enjoy it with you like I would have liked. This summer I will be showing you all of my favorite things about Indiana in the summer. Fishing, slip and slide, splash pad, parks, picnics, fireworks, camp outs, fireflies, creeks...the list goes on and on! I have been feeling guilty since your sister came along, and I know it's been hard for you to share the attention. I do miss our one on one times, and I have some special times planned for us this summer...just you and me! I can't wait to celebrate your 4th birthday as well! I love you buddy!

Love,
Mommy

Dear Mila

Dear Ms. Mila,
You are 4 months old already...SLOW DOWN! I am terrified to blink or I will miss your baby days. Seriously. Stop growing so fast. They weren't kidding when they told me this all goes a lot faster with the second child. Sometimes I feel guilty because you are the second child and I can't give you what I gave Luca. Undivided attention, limitless snuggles, time to just sit and soak up your gummy baby smiles. Other times I think being the second child will be to your advantage. It will make you a more independent and resilient little girl. I am so thankful that you are so easy going. You are perfectly content anywhere. You love laying on your play mat, swinging in the swing, or riding along in the Ergo while I get things done or chase after your brother. You are always laughing or smiling, and lately you have started squealing and "screaming". I guess you just want to make sure you are heard over your brother! I am really looking forward to this summer as you begin to sit up and enjoy a better view of the world around you, and maybe start scooting by the end of summer! I love you so much Mila Paz, you are a beautiful baby.

Love,
Mommy

Spring is in the air!

FINALLY spring has arrived here in southern Indiana, and I am once again in love with our Hoosier home! After more than 2 months of being trapped in the house (with a newborn and three year old) I was starting to wonder what we were thinking moving back. I had to see constant posts from my dear Arizona friends of their beautiful sunny winter days and I couldn't help but feel jealous. And sad. I do miss it terribly at times, but spring has reminded me of what I always missed about Indiana when we were living in the desert. Everything is blooming and it's beautiful! The grass is so green, flowers are blooming, the trees are full of buds. We have also had several thunderstorms which I love. There is nothing better than the sound of thunder rolling and rain on the roof. And the smell of rain. And open windows with birds chirping. And fresh cut grass. We are loving our yard, and we are in the process of fixing our deck and planting some more flowers. My dad also built us an incredible table for the back. I am so excited for our first real cookout. I am also really enjoying our neighborhood. It is perfect for walking and bike riding, and we can literally see the Clear Creek Trail from our front porch. And the sunset. It's beautiful. I can't wait to plop myself in a chair on the front porch this summer with a glass of wine and watch the sun set. I also can't wait to find some time to lace up my running shoes and head over to the trail with my favorite running buddy. It's been a long time coming. I am so ready to get back into shape. I NEED to run! I am also looking forward to spending many sunny days outside with my two sweet children this summer. We have a lot of exploring to do in our new home! Last summer I worked summer camp and was frantically searching for a job, all while pregnant, so I feel like we missed out on the best of summer. Not this year. We are going to make it a summer to remember!

The New Normal

Tomorrow I head back to work after 8 short weeks at home with my two little people. That's half the amount of time I had off with Luca. While I have been dreading having to go back so soon, I am thankful for the time I was able to be home, and that I am entrusting my babies to Abuelita rather than having to send them off to daycare all day. Even though Luca had some wonderful daycare providers in Arizona that were like family to us, I know that having family that is willing and able to care for our children is priceless. And Luca and Mila will create many special memories with their grandparents before they head to school. This makes the move worth it, as hard as it has been. Sometimes I am amazed that we survived the last year. I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that this time last year we had JUST put our house in Arizona on the market. We had no idea how things were going to work out, and we also had no idea that we would be adding a new member to our family in the midst of it all. But somehow we did it. Was it easy? Absolutely not. But it grew our faith and strengthened our family. And we are still adjusting to all of the changes. We still miss Arizona. We are still getting used to having our families around, which is wonderful and sometimes challenging all the same. We spent our entire married life thousands of miles away from both of our parents. It forced us to really rely on each other, and we had the opportunity to figure out married life and parenthood on our own. While we love being able to see both of our families on a regular basis, and Luca loves having his cousins around, it can be challenging to suddenly have so many opinions and input on the way you raise your children and the way you run your household. I am still very much learning how to accept advice and criticisms and not taking it personally. I am also learning how to juggle life with two kids. The true test starts tomorrow when I put on my working mom hat again. I am ready to establish our new routine, and to work on finding a new balance for our family with two kids and two working parents. I am trying to be intentional every day, and keep my eyes focused on what is most important. And that is my relationship with God and the love and grace I show to my family and others each and every day. I am trying to keep the stress and busyness of life at bay so that I can enjoy the fullness of our blessings. I will admit that the last 8 weeks haven't been easy. There were many days that I felt as though I failed miserably at this mom of two gig. Many days that the sleep deprivation took over and I lacked grace or neglected love. Being trapped indoors due to winter weather and cold and flu season made some days seem impossibly long. I know there were many times I could have been more intentional. More loving. But His mercies are new every morning. Tomorrow starts a new normal for our family, and I intend to live intentionally focused on Him and on my family.