Fall is in the Air

My favorite season is here. I love fall. Even more after missing out on it for seven years. Nothing beats fall in southern Indiana. There is something so refreshing about the transition from long summer days to crisp fall weather. As we welcome all the goodness of the fall season, our family is growing into this new season in life. Life doesn't seem as overwhelming. We've got this family of four thing. Sure sleep is still hard to come by, and some days seem to go on forever with two kids that refuse to nap, and sometimes I am just down right exhausted. But we are happy. Life is good. Blessings are abundant. And we are moving forward in His grace. Learning together, growing. As parents, as spouses. This past weekend we had our family photos taken. As I browsed through the gorgeous shots taken by the talented Abra from Gift of Today Photography, I almost had to pinch myself. Is that really MY family? How did we get here? I thought back to how our family photos have changed over the last 9 years...from engagement photos to maternity photos. And here we are. Our beautiful family of four. Just for fun Santi and I took a picture together in front of The Bluebird. The exact spot our eyes first met after being set up by a coworker. My mind instantly went back to that night. I don't think we ever could have imagined that 11 years later we would be standing in that same spot. Married. Our two kids watching as we posed together for a photo. It's amazing to think back on our journey to get where we are today. Our family. The good. The bad. The ugly. We've been through it together. I can't wait to see what's next for us. Where life will take us.

It Won't Be Like This For Long

I have been struggling with blogging lately. Things are busy, as always, but life seems a little more relaxed these days. We are getting into a groove with this family of 4 thing. My hands are full most days, but so is my heart. We are blessed. Really, really blessed. I guess I feel like I haven't had anything to share, which isn't exactly true, but I guess I feel like our day to day life hasn't been worth blogging about. And now I feel wrong to say that. It's the daily life that I want to remember one day when I read back through this blog. All the challenges, and of course sweet moments, of parenting littles. I want to remember the exhaustion, the frustrations, the milestones, the challenges, the proud moments, and the moments where I just feel like I couldn't possibly love our children anymore. The funny things Luca says and does. Mila's cute little personality starting to develop. And me. On this continual journey of finding myself...or creating myself. Through these different stages of life I change. My desires change. My hopes and dreams change. I am 32. I am a mom. I am a wife. I am a teacher. I am a child of God. And I am still me. And I am still figuring that out, which I am kind of excited about now. When you give your body up (literally) for 9 months of pregnancy, and then continue to do so for another year or more of nursing a baby...you kind of forget about you. While I am still in the thick of it, I can see me coming back a little. I love being a mom. I love nursing. I won't say I loved being pregnant but there was something to be said about the experience of carrying and then nursing my two beautiful children and I am extremely grateful that I was able to do so. I know many are not afforded that opportunity. I love my life right now. My days are hectic and exhausting but full of happiness. I wake up early, sometimes to Mila's cries (usually much earlier than I care to be awake) and sometimes to my alarm. And I will hit snooze. Again and again. I get myself ready for work, usually in the midst of getting vanilla milk for Luca, finding a cartoon, and keeping Mila entertained. I pump another bottle because I didn't pump enough at work the day before. I scramble around for kid clothes, lunches, shoes, and anything else I forgot to do the night before. I bribe Luca to get dressed for school, nurse and change Mila. I rush around frantically while always making sure I have enough time to make my iced coffee. This is crucial. Then it's off to school for me. When I arrive I greet my "big" kids. The ones that I call my kids even though they don't live with me. Only teachers will understand what it's like to feel like mom to strangers' kids. Sometimes I literally feel like I am mom to hundreds of children. Tying shoes, opening milks, offering hugs, drying tears, encouraging, listening, teaching...all day. Every day. Then my own children...the two that do live with me. And they all need me more than I could ever know. All day. All the time. And I love being there when they need me. All of them. I love teaching. In the good moments, the bad moments, the kids are driving me crazy is it a full moon?? moments, the hard moments, the real moments, the proud moments, and the heartbreaking moments. And I love being a mom for all the same reasons. After a full day of teaching. Running. I get to pick up my own kids. I try to enjoy some "me" time on my drive to get them. It's one last quiet moment before I jump into mom mode. They are excited to see me, and I feel at home when I see their smiling faces. All is right in my world. We go home and we are tired after full days. But we share our days and we try to share some moments of just being with each other. Then it's time to make dinner, eat dinner, clean up dinner. A little more time of books, snuggles, games, walks, time together. Then it's time for bed for the littles. Once little eyes are closed I am off to the race again. Prepping for the next day. Lunches, bags, bottles, clothes, school papers. I might get a moment of time to sit and relax...maybe I work out. I should work out. Then it's time for bed. I may or may not sleep depending on how many times Mila needs mommy through the night. It's still rough. This sleep deprivation thing. But this too shall pass. It won't be like this for long I tell myself. By His grace (and lots and lots of coffee) I do this day in and day out. And I love it. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Because I know one day it will all be different. It won't be so hectic. So exhausting. I will sleep again like a normal human. I will have quiet moments to myself. And then it will be too quiet. And I will miss this.

6 Months and 4 Years

I can't believe Ms. Mila has been in our lives for 6 months already. She turned 6 months old the day after we celebrated Luca turning 4. Yeah, that's right, he is FOUR. I can't even consider him a toddler anymore. He is in the pre-K room at church now. Granted he has been in some form of preschool since he was one, it still seems crazy. This is his last year as a preschool kid. I am really enjoying this new stage of parenting a big boy...but it's not without new challenges, that's for sure! He is still crazy about sports. He is always busy. He is also still a fan of dressing up (fireman, superhero, policeman) and has a big imagination. He is so observant and takes in every detail. His dress up costumes have to be exact...down to the smoke mask on the fireman. And he has to chew gum and spit when he plays baseball. Hah. And he never stops talking. And Mila. Wow. These baby days are so fleeting with a second baby! As I type this she is just waking up from a nap in the Ergo. I love wearing her. I wish I would have given it more time with Luca. But then again the two of them have different personalities. Luca never liked being contained in any fashion, and he still doesn't. Mila is perfectly content snuggled up on my chest while I get on with the day cleaning, cooking, and entertaining Luca. And I love always having her right there, talking to her as I go about my chores. We listen to music and she is just calm and happy. So sweet this girl of ours. This is the time of our lives. I love our little family!

No Filter

Life can get tricky. Especially when you pile a bunch of major life changes on top of each other. The dust has settled and we are now tasked with figuring out what's next for our family. We are now a family of 4. We have adjusted to our big move for the most part. We are settled into our new jobs. We are comfortable in our new house and it's starting to feel like home. We are working through a new routine with a baby in the mix and Luca being involved in different activities. We are also trying to wade through the perils of parenting an almost 4 year old. We are trying to evolve our parenting style to fit his needs as he begins to test the waters and gain more independence. Parenting a preschooler is much harder than parenting a toddler or baby! It's so hard to figure out how to discipline effectively while at the same time protecting his heart and teaching him the important lessons he needs to learn in order to be successful in life. I want to make sure that he is able to handle any situation that may arise with confidence when we are not around to guide him. Sportsmanship, friendships, determination, grace, hard work, perseverance, commitment, understanding, and respect. It is HARD!
Life is hard. Being a parent is hard. Being a spouse is hard. Getting older is hard. I know in my mind "this too shall pass" and sooner rather than later my children will be grown up. And I'm not ready for that. At all. I want to savor every moment of their childhood. I want to fill out days with special memories. But that doesn't mean that it's easy. And sometimes it's just downright exhausting. And sometimes I just want a moment to myself. I want to sleep more than a few hours at a time. I want to be able to talk to my husband without being interrupted 7,467 times. Sometimes you just have to be real about life. 

Dear Luca

Hi Mr. Luca,
Am I really planning your 4th birthday party? Where has the time gone? You are definitely not a baby anymore, but you will always be MY baby. You are finishing up your spring soccer team, which was kind of a bust. You weren't as into soccer this spring, so I am wondering what you might be interested in next. Transformer Rescuebots have been a hit lately, and you love ordering them when you earn your ten stars on your good behavior chart. I am really excited about spending the summer with you and Mila. Last summer was a little crazy and I didn't get to enjoy it with you like I would have liked. This summer I will be showing you all of my favorite things about Indiana in the summer. Fishing, slip and slide, splash pad, parks, picnics, fireworks, camp outs, fireflies, creeks...the list goes on and on! I have been feeling guilty since your sister came along, and I know it's been hard for you to share the attention. I do miss our one on one times, and I have some special times planned for us this summer...just you and me! I can't wait to celebrate your 4th birthday as well! I love you buddy!

Love,
Mommy