KINDERGARTEN!

My baby is starting kindergarten tomorrow!!!! I am beyond exhausted right now. Being a teacher mom is hard. Being a teacher mom with a baby starting kinder is really really hard. But I am putting aside the strong desire to crawl into bed right this second. Because I want to capture this very moment in time. I need to blog about all the emotions I am feeling the night before I send my first born child off to the big wide world. Kindergarten is a whole new beast. I know it, I taught it for many years. And now I get it. I get why it's so hard for parents to let go and leave their kids that first day. Good thing Santi is dropping him off tomorrow. As much as I want to be there, being a teacher myself means that I have to leave this one up to daddy. And that's ok. It's probably easier on us both. I think I am still in denial. We have read all the books. We attended his teacher meet and greet tonight. I love his teacher. She seems fantastic. Her room looks like it came straight out of Pinterest. She sent him home with a little baggie of magic confetti to put under his pillow tonight to help him sleep. But I know that the thing that matters more than any of that is how she will love and teach MY baby. I always referred to my students as "my babies". And to me they were. But they were also someone else's baby first. And I knew that I was entrusted with their care and education each and every day. And that's a huge responsibility. My prayer for Luca's teacher this year is that she would love him for who he is. That she would recognize his unique qualities that make him special. That she would encourage his imagination and fuel his love for learning. That she would teach him all the things he REALLY needs to know...like how to be a friend, how to lift someone up when they are feeling down, how to be independent, how to persevere through challenges, to not be afraid to try new things,  to show compassion to others...the things that will carry him through life beyond academics. I hope that this new school year is filled with special memories and firsts for Luca, that he makes new friends, grows his confidence, and experiences new and exciting things. So tomorrow I send my baby off to kindergarten. I can only hope I will be too busy on my own first day of school to think about it. But I know he will be on my mind all day.

Happy Golden Birthday to Our Sweet Boy

Five. Our baby is turning FIVE. He's not a baby anymore, not even a toddler or preschooler...he's a full blown big kid now. Our little firecracker. He came in with a bang the day after the 4th of July, and he's been full of fun and spark ever since. He continues to keep us on our toes, and while parenting him can be exhausting at times, frustrating at times, and even down right maddening on occasion...I wouldn't want it any other way. His strong will and stubbornness will serve him well as he chases his dreams in life and pursues his happiness. Whatever that may be. And along the way I have learned a little about grace. He is determined without a doubt. He knows what he wants, and he will stop at nothing to get it. Lately that's been candy. Lots and lots of candy. The kid is obsessed. We need to stage an intervention. He even watches candy commercials and demos on You Tube now. Seriously. I try to limit it, but it's summer. And his birthday. But anyways. Aside from his love of obsession with candy, he loves Hot Wheels, Monster Jam (still), sports (always), swimming, fishing with grandpa, riding bikes, dress up (though sadly not as often as he used to), sharks, crafting, and You Tube. Yep. You Tube. In just the last month or so he has learned to ride a bike without his training wheels and how to swim. And he is starting kindergarten in just a few weeks now, KINDERGARTEN. Somehow overnight someone replaced my baby with a big kid. I am in denial. And I think this transition is going to be harder on me than on him. As of right now he is super excited about starting kindergarten. I know there will be some anxiety as the day gets closer...ok, mostly for me, but maybe a little from him. But I know he is going to excel and thrive. Even though he is sometimes hesitant about new experiences and new routines, he is a super outgoing kid and makes friends so easily. We can go to the park and he will almost always find a random kid to play with. I would have never done that at his age. I was far too shy. I admire that about him. I know he will make lots of new friends in kindergarten. And I hope that he is also a friend to those who need one. I also hope that he continues to grow his love of learning, and that he doesn't shy away from challenges. I hope that when he experiences failures that he isn't afraid to keep trying. I hope that in addition to academics, he learns the importance of relationships. That he continues to use his imagination. That he takes time to play and be a kid. That he shows respect and consideration for others. Luca has been our pride and joy for the last 5 years. He was our hopes and dreams realized after struggling to start our family. He brings so much happiness to our lives that I can't imagine life without him. I am so thankful that God chose us to be his parents, and I hope and pray that we are raising him to be all God created him to be. We love you so much Luca Alberto!!!! Always keep your spark!

Summer Days

Summer has finally arrived!!! I cannot explain the feeling of waking up on that first day of summer break when you are a teacher. It's like crossing the finish line of a marathon...or let's say what I imagine it would be like to cross the finish line after a marathon. Obviously I have never actually done that. And I am not sure I ever would. Anyways. I woke up this morning to snuggle my kiddos on the couch while we watched Finding Nemo. And it was perfect. We came up with a simple, flexible daily schedule just for the sake of consistency (and my sanity), but I love knowing that we have 10 weeks of just doing whatever we fancy. We can go to the library, the park, the pool, the splash pad, the mall...and I kind of like not knowing just what we are going to do each day. We do what we want. This summer is going to be a lot of fun, and we are going to make the most of it! Mila is old enough to really be able to enjoy our outings more, and her schedule is a little more flexible than it was last summer. Luca is old enough to be involved in camps and VBS, which I know he is looking forward to. And we have an exciting Florida trip planned in just a couple of weeks! I am SO ready to get to the beach with my family and just have FUN!
I cannot believe that at the end of all of our summer fun, Luca is starting kindergarten! I don't know why, but this milestone is hitting me HARD. Maybe it's the fact that I am a teacher, and former kindergarten teacher. Or maybe it's just that he's my first. I don't know. But I am so anxious about this big step. It just makes him seem so grown up. So big! I am trying not to be all emotional over it, but I know I will be when that day comes. And I am anxious knowing that he and I won't be in the same school. At least for now. I always imagined we would be, but that hasn't worked out just yet. I am trying! And I really really really hate that I can't take him on his first day and daddy gets to. One of the downfalls of being a teacher mom. Tonight he learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. His training wheel broke off and he just decided right then and there that he didn't need them. We had tried it once before but he was too scared. Tonight he just went for it. I let go of the seat and off he went. So symbolic. I hope that the start to his elementary career will go just as smoothly!

Balance

Life lately feels like a constant search for balance. I have entered one of those seasons where it just feels like I am running an endless race. Clean the house. Make the meals. Love on the kids. Play with the kids. Teach the students. Plan the lessons. Discipline the children. Connect with the husband. Walk the dog. Shop for the groceries. Organize. Check the calendar. Clean some more. Sleep a little. Maybe a moment to unwind? To breath? I am craving some time for yoga and running lately. And I really don't have any good excuse other than I am constantly exhausted lately. And honestly finding time away from the kids is nearly impossible between Santi's work schedule and the fact that Mila is still a terrible sleeper. I just need some time for me. To recharge. To reconnect to myself and my Maker. And it's that end of the school year slump. I am not even a classroom teacher anymore, but May still gets me. I am checked out. Done. But more than anything lately I am craving a deeper connection with my Creator. Or any connection. And I know I am to blame. I let the exhaustion get me. I sit down to read a devotion or spend time in prayer and I am dozing off in seconds. When I am going through trials or struggles, or just stressful times, He feels so near. I draw close to Him with ease. And I need to be able to do that in the mundane times. The every day times. I am thankful that life right now is pretty simple. Things are good. I have a lot to be thankful for. I should be filled with joy in this season of life. I am living the life so many others would love to have. We have recently started attending a different church, and I am praying for a connection to this body of believers. For some authentic relationships. I know I have a lot of work to do, and my focus needs to shift. I need to find the healthy balance between giving of myself to others, my family, and to my career and giving to myself by allowing myself to recharge spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I need to focus on being in the moment. Practice mindfulness. Life is happening every second of every day, in the midst of the ordinary moments. And my kids are growing up before my eyes. I have to stop letting doubts get the best of me. I have to see each moment for what it is, even when I'm exhausted and out of energy. And take those quiet moments that seem so few to recharge so I can choose joy day in and day out. 

Dear Luca

Dear Mr. Luca,
I cannot believe we registered you for kindergarten a few weeks ago. It seems like only yesterday you were a diaper clad toddler. Tonight you sat in my lap and it felt like my baby had disappeared! All of a sudden there was a big kid sitting there. Those chubby toddler hands and feet have been replaced. You're getting so tall. And before I know it you will be 5. We will be putting you on the school bus and sending you on your way. And it just makes me want to stop time. It's just going to fast. I want to keep you little! But I know that would not be fair. You have big things to do, and God has an amazing plan for your life. As hard as it is watching you grow up so quickly, I look forward to seeing what your future holds. You are our sweet and sensitive little guy still. You are strong willed, and you don't back down, which I know will serve you well one day. It drives me crazy now. You are independent and outgoing. You love being with your friends at school and spending time with your cousins at grandpa and grandma's house. You are always open to trying new things, and you have the greatest imagination. You are always coming up with crazy ideas. You still love to dress up in different costumes. You are still a fan of sports, firemen, monster trucks, and superheroes. I don't ever want you to outgrow your imagination. I love watching your pretend play. You have also developed an interest in drawing and you are pretty creative! I am looking forward to spending this summer together doing all kinds of fun things. And I am especially excited about our big family vacation to Florida. I know you are going to love it, and I can't wait to relive all my favorite childhood memories from Florida. I love you kid. So so so so SO much.

Mommy