Our Crazy Beautiful Life

It's been awhile since I took the time to sit down and blog. We have been engrossed in the day to day since the start of the school year. The first couple of months of a new school year are always busy...and sometimes downright exhausting. We are almost 3 months into kindergarten...and my 11th year of teaching. I am thrilled to say that Luca LOVES kindergarten and he is THRIVING. I could not be more happy. He is excited and ready to go every morning, and he comes home happy each afternoon. He loves his teacher, and he has made many new friends. He is also learning so much and it has been really fun listening to him tell us all about it. He continues to amaze me every day with new things he can do or things he knows. The one challenge for me has been finding the time in the evenings to incorporate some learning at home. I love reading with Luca, and being a reading teacher myself I always want to work with him on sounding out words, reading sight words, and all of the things I know he needs to become a good reader. But I have also been teaching reading ALL DAY. And he has been focused and engaged in learning ALL DAY. And he isn't a huge fan of mommy as a teacher. And I am tired. And I just want to hang out with Luca. And Mila needs my attention too. And I have to make dinner. And clean up dinner. And do baths. And then it's bedtime before we know it. Tomorrow we have his first parent/teacher conference. Being on the other side of the table will definitely be a different experience for me. Sigh. I am sure she will have good things to say.
Ms. Mila has been talking up a storm lately. FINALLY. I was a little worried because she was taking a little longer than Luca, but now her vocabulary is exploding in English AND Spanish! She repeats everything all day long. She will see her baby doll and say "baby crying". She calls Spiderman "man"...and has also started referring to actual spiders as "man". So funny. She loves saying "bye" and "ciao" and waving/blowing kisses to everyone. She asks for her favorite "show" every morning...Mutt and Stuff. It's a kid show with actual trained dogs. Of course she would love a show about dogs. She still loves animals, especially dogs and her "Tay". She loves making animal sounds and knows many animal names. She calls her two favorite foods (peas and blueberries) "bubbles" because they are round. She also loves actual bubbles. She loves climbing on anything and everything, and she is constantly climbing into her highchair on her own...including standing on top of the tray. She will climb up and say "eat"...even though most of the time she does't really want to eat. She is a pretty picky eater like Luca was. She will eat all day with Abuelita....but it's another story at home. She loves "counting" things. She has heard Luca count and I believe she is also listening to me count backwards from 5 when Luca has been warned to do something...ha ha ha. Tonight we read a counting book and she said "5, 4, 3". She loves coloring, painting, play doh, and anything artistic. She holds a crayon perfectly, and she will sit contently for a long time just coloring. She also loves cleaning up messes and she is a great helper! Tonight she stepped on some Goldfish on the floor and was picking up the pieces and putting them into the trash. She is particular about things, and she knows where everything goes. She even cleans up after Luca. Her other favorite thing is being outside. She loves to swing, and she really loves riding around the neighborhood in her little pink car. She is Ms. Independent all the way. She refuses to ride in strollers or the Ergo anymore, and most of the time she refuses to hold anyone's hand when we are out and about. Which can be particularly challenging. Even though she is independent with some things, she is still very much a mommy's girl. And she can be super shy when she's around new people. But it's getting better, and she has stayed in the church nursery without a problem the last two weeks! Sleeping is still a struggle with her. She has never once slept through the night. And she is still nursing several times a night and sleeping in our bed for half of the night. But my plan is to really work on weaning before she turns 2...shhhhh don't tell. As much as I am thankful that I was able to exclusively nurse her for a long time and continue with extended breastfeeding...we have reached that point where I am ready to be able to comfort her in other ways, and I am SO ready to sleep like a normal human.
As for Santi and I. Well we are just working on finding balance between work, kids, home life, faith, marriage, family. This is always our challenge, and we are always in search of new ways to make the most of our time as busy working parents of two. Most weeknights by the time the kids are finally asleep...which unfortunately still takes forever....we are too exhausted to do anything but pack lunches and crash on the couch. Weekends are busy just catching up with housework, grocery shopping, meal prep, and laundry. We struggle to make time for date nights, time with our families, individual time with the kids, and just time for ourselves....time to exercise, relax, get away for a moment of peace. I know it will come. Mila won't be little for long. And Luca is already getting more independent. I am just going to try to stay in the moment and do what I can when I can. And focus on the important things. And drink lots of coffee.

Oh...and just for fun here are a couple shots from our fall family photos. Mila refused to cooperate, but we still got some sweet shots of the little stinker.

KINDERGARTEN!

My baby is starting kindergarten tomorrow!!!! I am beyond exhausted right now. Being a teacher mom is hard. Being a teacher mom with a baby starting kinder is really really hard. But I am putting aside the strong desire to crawl into bed right this second. Because I want to capture this very moment in time. I need to blog about all the emotions I am feeling the night before I send my first born child off to the big wide world. Kindergarten is a whole new beast. I know it, I taught it for many years. And now I get it. I get why it's so hard for parents to let go and leave their kids that first day. Good thing Santi is dropping him off tomorrow. As much as I want to be there, being a teacher myself means that I have to leave this one up to daddy. And that's ok. It's probably easier on us both. I think I am still in denial. We have read all the books. We attended his teacher meet and greet tonight. I love his teacher. She seems fantastic. Her room looks like it came straight out of Pinterest. She sent him home with a little baggie of magic confetti to put under his pillow tonight to help him sleep. But I know that the thing that matters more than any of that is how she will love and teach MY baby. I always referred to my students as "my babies". And to me they were. But they were also someone else's baby first. And I knew that I was entrusted with their care and education each and every day. And that's a huge responsibility. My prayer for Luca's teacher this year is that she would love him for who he is. That she would recognize his unique qualities that make him special. That she would encourage his imagination and fuel his love for learning. That she would teach him all the things he REALLY needs to know...like how to be a friend, how to lift someone up when they are feeling down, how to be independent, how to persevere through challenges, to not be afraid to try new things,  to show compassion to others...the things that will carry him through life beyond academics. I hope that this new school year is filled with special memories and firsts for Luca, that he makes new friends, grows his confidence, and experiences new and exciting things. So tomorrow I send my baby off to kindergarten. I can only hope I will be too busy on my own first day of school to think about it. But I know he will be on my mind all day.

Happy Golden Birthday to Our Sweet Boy

Five. Our baby is turning FIVE. He's not a baby anymore, not even a toddler or preschooler...he's a full blown big kid now. Our little firecracker. He came in with a bang the day after the 4th of July, and he's been full of fun and spark ever since. He continues to keep us on our toes, and while parenting him can be exhausting at times, frustrating at times, and even down right maddening on occasion...I wouldn't want it any other way. His strong will and stubbornness will serve him well as he chases his dreams in life and pursues his happiness. Whatever that may be. And along the way I have learned a little about grace. He is determined without a doubt. He knows what he wants, and he will stop at nothing to get it. Lately that's been candy. Lots and lots of candy. The kid is obsessed. We need to stage an intervention. He even watches candy commercials and demos on You Tube now. Seriously. I try to limit it, but it's summer. And his birthday. But anyways. Aside from his love of obsession with candy, he loves Hot Wheels, Monster Jam (still), sports (always), swimming, fishing with grandpa, riding bikes, dress up (though sadly not as often as he used to), sharks, crafting, and You Tube. Yep. You Tube. In just the last month or so he has learned to ride a bike without his training wheels and how to swim. And he is starting kindergarten in just a few weeks now, KINDERGARTEN. Somehow overnight someone replaced my baby with a big kid. I am in denial. And I think this transition is going to be harder on me than on him. As of right now he is super excited about starting kindergarten. I know there will be some anxiety as the day gets closer...ok, mostly for me, but maybe a little from him. But I know he is going to excel and thrive. Even though he is sometimes hesitant about new experiences and new routines, he is a super outgoing kid and makes friends so easily. We can go to the park and he will almost always find a random kid to play with. I would have never done that at his age. I was far too shy. I admire that about him. I know he will make lots of new friends in kindergarten. And I hope that he is also a friend to those who need one. I also hope that he continues to grow his love of learning, and that he doesn't shy away from challenges. I hope that when he experiences failures that he isn't afraid to keep trying. I hope that in addition to academics, he learns the importance of relationships. That he continues to use his imagination. That he takes time to play and be a kid. That he shows respect and consideration for others. Luca has been our pride and joy for the last 5 years. He was our hopes and dreams realized after struggling to start our family. He brings so much happiness to our lives that I can't imagine life without him. I am so thankful that God chose us to be his parents, and I hope and pray that we are raising him to be all God created him to be. We love you so much Luca Alberto!!!! Always keep your spark!

Summer Days

Summer has finally arrived!!! I cannot explain the feeling of waking up on that first day of summer break when you are a teacher. It's like crossing the finish line of a marathon...or let's say what I imagine it would be like to cross the finish line after a marathon. Obviously I have never actually done that. And I am not sure I ever would. Anyways. I woke up this morning to snuggle my kiddos on the couch while we watched Finding Nemo. And it was perfect. We came up with a simple, flexible daily schedule just for the sake of consistency (and my sanity), but I love knowing that we have 10 weeks of just doing whatever we fancy. We can go to the library, the park, the pool, the splash pad, the mall...and I kind of like not knowing just what we are going to do each day. We do what we want. This summer is going to be a lot of fun, and we are going to make the most of it! Mila is old enough to really be able to enjoy our outings more, and her schedule is a little more flexible than it was last summer. Luca is old enough to be involved in camps and VBS, which I know he is looking forward to. And we have an exciting Florida trip planned in just a couple of weeks! I am SO ready to get to the beach with my family and just have FUN!
I cannot believe that at the end of all of our summer fun, Luca is starting kindergarten! I don't know why, but this milestone is hitting me HARD. Maybe it's the fact that I am a teacher, and former kindergarten teacher. Or maybe it's just that he's my first. I don't know. But I am so anxious about this big step. It just makes him seem so grown up. So big! I am trying not to be all emotional over it, but I know I will be when that day comes. And I am anxious knowing that he and I won't be in the same school. At least for now. I always imagined we would be, but that hasn't worked out just yet. I am trying! And I really really really hate that I can't take him on his first day and daddy gets to. One of the downfalls of being a teacher mom. Tonight he learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. His training wheel broke off and he just decided right then and there that he didn't need them. We had tried it once before but he was too scared. Tonight he just went for it. I let go of the seat and off he went. So symbolic. I hope that the start to his elementary career will go just as smoothly!

Balance

Life lately feels like a constant search for balance. I have entered one of those seasons where it just feels like I am running an endless race. Clean the house. Make the meals. Love on the kids. Play with the kids. Teach the students. Plan the lessons. Discipline the children. Connect with the husband. Walk the dog. Shop for the groceries. Organize. Check the calendar. Clean some more. Sleep a little. Maybe a moment to unwind? To breath? I am craving some time for yoga and running lately. And I really don't have any good excuse other than I am constantly exhausted lately. And honestly finding time away from the kids is nearly impossible between Santi's work schedule and the fact that Mila is still a terrible sleeper. I just need some time for me. To recharge. To reconnect to myself and my Maker. And it's that end of the school year slump. I am not even a classroom teacher anymore, but May still gets me. I am checked out. Done. But more than anything lately I am craving a deeper connection with my Creator. Or any connection. And I know I am to blame. I let the exhaustion get me. I sit down to read a devotion or spend time in prayer and I am dozing off in seconds. When I am going through trials or struggles, or just stressful times, He feels so near. I draw close to Him with ease. And I need to be able to do that in the mundane times. The every day times. I am thankful that life right now is pretty simple. Things are good. I have a lot to be thankful for. I should be filled with joy in this season of life. I am living the life so many others would love to have. We have recently started attending a different church, and I am praying for a connection to this body of believers. For some authentic relationships. I know I have a lot of work to do, and my focus needs to shift. I need to find the healthy balance between giving of myself to others, my family, and to my career and giving to myself by allowing myself to recharge spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I need to focus on being in the moment. Practice mindfulness. Life is happening every second of every day, in the midst of the ordinary moments. And my kids are growing up before my eyes. I have to stop letting doubts get the best of me. I have to see each moment for what it is, even when I'm exhausted and out of energy. And take those quiet moments that seem so few to recharge so I can choose joy day in and day out.