Beauty in the Ordinary

Life has been busy. I guess that's the norm in the season. I hate that I have neglected blogging lately. It's a struggle to find a minute to sit down in peace and just be. It's hard to find words when I feel like my brain is just jumbled with the day in and day out. A never ending "to do" list running on repeat through my mind. Quieting the noise hasn't been my forte. I guess you could say that's a goal for 2018. Finding more time for quiet. More time to just be in the moment. For just a few minutes let go of being mom, wife, teacher. To just take a step back and examine life. This past week I was challenged through one of those silly Facebook challenges that I usually ignore. Except this one was intriguing to me. I had seen several friends share their 7 days of black and white photos of their lives, no people and no explanation, and I found their photos interesting. Usually photos posted on social media involve people. Kids, family, spouses, friends. I could tell some people found it more challenging to photograph the parts of their life that we don't often focus on. Some clearly tried to set up the perfect shot. I'll admit, that's what I wanted to do first. I wanted to snap a photo with perfect lighting...the perfect composition. I wanted to photograph the parts of my life that make me seem half way interesting. But this proved to be more challenging that I anticipated. Especially when my kids could not be the subjects. And then I started to look at the most ordinary pictures in my every day life, and it was in those seemingly simple objects and scenes that I found the most beauty. A picture of the desert that represents the start to our story. A place we will always call home. A place that holds many special memories. Photos of that part of our lives are all over our home and I love looking at them and thinking back on our time in Phoenix. A picture of my desk at school. Something I see every single day, but it represents a significant part of my life. A career I am passionate about. In a school that feels like home. Rain drops on my classroom window. Something I wouldn't typically take note of, but beautiful none the less. Tevez. Our sweet pup that too often goes unappreciated in our home. He is deserves far more attention, love, and affection than we could ever provide....yet there he is, day in and day out, loving us unconditionally. Greeting us each and every day when we arrive home. Toys. Toys everywhere. And Crayons. And papers of artwork and schoolwork. Coyote. Luca's stuffed animal that we purchased at the airport in Phoenix on our flight home when we moved back. He was sick that morning. I was pregnant with Mila, emotional, stressed, and not feeling so hot myself. I just wanted to fix everything. To make him feel better. To reassure my not quite 3 year old that everything was going to be okay despite the fact that he was sick and we were leaving the only home he had ever known. And back to the toys. The simple fact that my house is always wrecked by kid toys and laundry and messes is something to behold. Even though most days I just bemoan it. Looking back a little over 7 years ago and there were many days I wondered if we would ever be able to have children. If our house would ever be filled with toys. Here we are, two amazing kids that love to drive us crazy fighting bedtime, fighting with each other. Making endless messes. And endless memories. This stage will pass us by much too fast. Even when the days seem so long and I struggle to recognize the most simple moments, the most ordinary every day moments, as the most beautiful.

Henoch-Schonlein Purpura (HSP)....is very uncool.

After a fun filled summer, we were all getting back into the routine of school...literally three days into the new school year. First grade for me and first grade dual language for Luca. Lots of changes for everyone and big adjustments. The first Sunday after school started Luca was playing in the yard and came in complaining that his feet hurt. When he took his shoes off I noticed that the soles of his feet were bruised. I thought this was odd, but I attributed it to him wearing shoes that didn't fit properly to play football with dad that afternoon. We had him rest for the evening, and sent him off the next morning for his 4th day of school. When he came home from school, he was limping a little and when I checked out his feet I was surprised that his ankles were swollen. I assumed it was an injury, but it seemed weird that it was both feet and ankles. I had him ice his ankles, and I noticed some red spots on his legs that looked like bug bites. I didn't think much of it because he had been in the yard all weekend and bug bites were not uncommon. By the time Santi got home from work we were getting concerned because he wasn't putting weight on either foot. Santi took him to urgent care, and I was shocked when he texted me and told me the doctor there thought it was an autoimmune issue and wanted bloodwork right away. He had done a urinalysis there in urgent care that thankfully came out fine, so he said it would be okay to just wait and do the bloodwork at the pediatrician's office the next morning. We were completely freaked out, but trying not to let Luca know. The doctor in the urgent care center had given us a diagnosis of HSP, but we needed the pediatrician to confirm. Sure enough, the pediatrician was convinced that it was HSP. It was a relief to have a diagnosis and a relief (after lots of research) to find out that it was something that would go away on its own. BUT...it could be up to 6 weeks or more before he is symptom free. And literally the only thing we can do for him is ice and Motrin for join pain and swelling. After the initial diagnosis, the next week was pretty rough. He missed two and a half days of school due to pain and swelling (and doctor appointments), but he toughed it out the rest of the week. By the time he got home each day he was really in pain, and it was heartbreaking to see him go straight to the couch after school, barely able to walk. His knees and ankles would be huge, and the rash was spreading to his arms and all the way up to his stomach. We are now at the end of week 2 with this illness, and I would like to believe it's getting better, but it may just be that we are managing his pain better. This past week we made sure to communicate directly with the nurse at school so he could go lay down in the afternoons and get ice when needed. His teachers have been super supportive too, but I know he doesn't like to complain so we have had to have them encourage him to take a break and sit out from recess. Which is also very difficult for him. Probably more difficult than being in pain. We also started giving him Motrin first thing in the morning before the pain and swelling start rather than waiting until after school when he is already suffering. It has also made his school day much easier and he's been able to enjoy recess again. Today we tried to skip the Motrin since it wasn't a school day, but he was in pain by the afternoon again. No swelling this time, so I am hopeful we are headed in the right direction. I hate seeing him in pain, and bummed out when he can't get up to run around and play. And I hate seeing him covered in this angry red rash with the bruising and discoloration. He even had bruising on the back of his ear!!! Besides all the obvious frustrations of this illness for everyone (especially Luca), there is a constant worry that new symptoms could appear or he could have kidney issues as a result. There are complications we could run into that are rare, but we have to watch out for them. There is also the frustration of knowing there is literally nothing we can do for him but wait it out. No "cure". Steroids are an option if it gets too unbearable, but we don't want to go that route. There is also very limited information out there regarding HSP since it is so uncommon. This has also made it feel very isolating. So, here we go into week 3 and I am praying that we see relief within the next week. I will be so relieved when he is symptom free and back to his normal self again. And I decided to blog about our experience with HSP, because one thing that has really helped me through this is to read a couple of blogs by other moms who have been down this road with a child who is now fully recovered. But there were literally only 2 blogs I found. I am hopeful that this blog post may help someone else who is struggling through this illness, or if you have any experience with HSP I would love to hear some encouragement!!! I will continue to update on his progress, and I am hoping to soon write a post saying that he is 100% better and we are off to ride Go Karts in Indy (which is our plan when he is fully recovered)!!

Summer Vibes

Blogging hasn't been as easy lately. I am finding it more and more difficult to get a quiet minute to sit down with a busy two year old and energetic almost 6 year old. I can't believe I just typed that. Luca is going to be 6?!?! It just doesn't seem possible. I am not sure which sounds more crazy, the fact that he is turning 6 or the fact that we just celebrated his kindergarten graduation. My baby is a full on big kid. FIRST GRADE. At least kindergarten still sounded like "little kid". Ok, ok I know he is still very much a little kid. And not just by his size. But for some reason reaching the "grade" stage of school just sounds so much more grown up. I don't know. Speaking of first grade...I am returning to first grade in August. After three years of teaching reading intervention I will be back in the classroom. I have mixed emotions about this change, but I can honestly say that I am mostly excited. Ask me again in December and I may have a different answer. I knew this was a possibility due to funding cuts in Title 1, and to be "safe" and avoid me getting a RIF (reduction in forces) notice my principal stuck me in a classroom position. It may be that the funding does go through and my Title position doesn't get cut this coming year...but we know that Title is slowly getting defunded. She does not want to lose me, so she is securing my position at my school. I am flattered that she thinks so highly of me, but it also feels like a lot of pressure! I have learned a LOT these last three years in Title 1. A lot about teaching reading and a lot about how to best support our unique body of economically disadvantaged children who often come with all of the affects of trauma. It's not for everyone. But I honestly feel that this is where my heart is right now. I loved teaching English as a second language, and I still love my English language learners, but I also feel like God led me to Fairview for a reason. Not only was my Title position absolutely perfect as we transitioned to our new old home in Indiana and added Mila to our family, but I feel like He put me at Fairview because He was calling me to serve these children. And now being back in the classroom I feel like I have the opportunity to make an even bigger impact in the lives of our students and their families. I know I will need to rely on Him for strength to do this, and to do it well, but I feel pretty good about this new old journey. I know I am meant to be in the classroom. It will definitely be an adjustment again, but I know it will be rewarding too. And I couldn't have a better team supporting me. So...Luca and I will both be in first grade next year! This also leads me to some exciting news about Luca! He will be in a dual language immersion classroom for first grade, which I could not be more thrilled about! I had wanted him to be able to attend an immersion school, but I never imagined that it would be a possibility right here in Bloomington and at OUR neighborhood school! Just another God moment. They just announced this new program for incoming kinder and 1st graders this spring and we jumped at the opportunity. What an amazing experience for him to be taught in both of his languages throughout his school day. He will be able to learn to read and write in BOTH languages, which is amazing! He will spend half of his day in Spanish with a new teacher, and the other half in English with his former kindergarten teacher who was absolutely awesome! He is super excited he gets to have her again. And he will have many of his friends from kindergarten in his class. They will continue on through 6th grade in this program together.
So Ms. Mila. I guess I need to get back to my Dear Luca and Dear Mila posts! Mila is most definitely a two year old. She is determined to do everything herself. She has to climb in her carseat by herself, wipe her own nose, flush the toilet herself, wash her hands herself. She also talks nonstop. Sometimes I have no idea what she is talking about, but she loves to tell stories. My mom said I used to do the same thing. She also likes to pick up books and pretend to read them out loud. Usually something random gets thrown in there like "chicken nuggets are hot" or something equally crazy that just comes to her mind. She is fully potty trained now, which is super awesome. She is so sweet. She loves to give hugs and kisses, and she is always saying "I love you mommy!". She loves to copy anything and everything her big brother does...which isn't always a good thing. She still hates to sleep. Summertime is rough because she refuses to nap and then is a hot mess by the evening. She just never wants to miss anything. She also still ends up in mommy and daddy's bed almost every night. But I am okay with it now that she doesn't nurse. I actually enjoy the cuddles from my baby. I know she is our last and her baby features are fading far too quickly. Like Luca's...it seems they just disappear overnight. Those chubby hands and feet. No more diaper bottom. Ugh....I am not an emotional or sensitive person. I didn't shed a tear when Luca graduated kindergarten or when I sold the last of the baby items, but I know I will miss these days. I enjoy watching my babies grow though. It's so fun to see who they are becoming. So conflicted.
So for now it's summer. And our calendar is already full of fun things. I am looking forward to soaking up the sunshine and enjoying lazy days with my babes. I love this time of year. The late evenings outdoors, swimming, hiking, traveling. No real rush to get anywhere. I am going to enjoy these days while they last, because I know this next school year is going to be BUSY.

In Like a Lion

Wow. Here we are in March already. I sure wish it felt like March. Spring break officially started at 4pm today. Yesterday it was 70 degrees and sunny, today it's been 40's and windy. And of course the weather outlook for our spring break week is looking pretty glum. We had quite a few sunny days scattered throughout February that sure felt like spring. But March has decided to do its thing, so alas we will wait for our real spring. As for us, we are just chugging along through the remainder of this school year. Usually I look forward to the end of the school year with anticipation as any teacher does. But this year I am not sure. Luca will be finished with kindergarten. His first year of elementary school. There just seems to be such a big difference between kindergarten and first grade. First grade just makes him sound like such a big kid. I mean, dropping him off at school in the mornings and seeing him walk right in those big double doors on his own, alongside kids twice his size...it still gets me. I still see that tiny little Luca that we used to drop off at daycare every day in Arizona. First in the baby room, which I still remember so clearly. Then the toddler room. Now all of a sudden he is big enough to just walk right in himself with a backpack as big as he is. And I have been reminded repeatedly lately that Ms. Mila isn't so much a baby herself anymore. She is talking up a storm lately. She's so funny and even though she has really started to test boundaries...and we've gotten a glimpse of the "terrible twos" lately...this really is a fun age. She is really a sweet little girl. I can already see what a big heart she has. She is always giving kisses and hugs. Tonight she saw me cleaning up her play doh mess and came over to help...without me even asking. She just recognized that I needed some help. It's also been neat to see Luca and Mila's relationship develop. They are starting to play more together, and although that also means fighting and irritating each other often, they also have many sweet moments that I just want to freeze. Time flies. Besides the everyday, Santi and I have been working towards our fitness and personal health goals in the last month or so. I feel like we are making some progress and moving in the right direction finally, and I am looking forward to sharing that journey and the changes along the way. I think we have some exciting things coming in the months ahead.

Dear Ms. Mila...

Mila Paz,
We are just a week away from your 2nd birthday and I just can't wrap my mind around it. I must say, I absolutely LOVE the little person you are becoming. Your personality has really blossomed in the last couple of months and it's just so much FUN! I think I am really going to enjoy the "terrible twos" with you. Honestly, other than your constant battle with sleep...you are a pretty easy going kid. You are sugar and spice....but more sugar than spice...usually. You are talking up a storm lately and you are oh so funny...and adorable. I can't even handle your cuteness most days. I forgot how fun the early talking days are. You know, before I just want you to be quiet for 2 seconds😁.  Lately you are loving Mickey Mouse, dancing, playing with baby dolls and your doll house, sleeping with 24,207 stuffed animals and babies, eating soup and rice, coloring (on anything and everything 😐), copying everything your big brother "Wuca" does, playing vet with Tevez, and play doh. The big news around here is that you FINALLY started sleeping through the night in your own bed!!! Even though bedtime is still a long process while you situate, cover and uncover your 24,207 babies and stuffed animals, give them all a drink of water, and turn your sound machine on and off about 35 times....you typically fall asleep and stay that way until around 5-6am...at which point you still come to our bed so mommy can catch a little more shut eye. But, I am super proud of this accomplishment. It's a really big deal going from sleeping with mommy and daddy every night and nursing several times a night to sleeping all night in your own bed...and you did it! Even though nights have improved, you are still very much into your nursing during the day. Especially on days when mommy is home all day. As much as I have enjoyed our nursing relationship...I think 2 years is long enough! I am hoping you will be such a busy little 2 year old that you will soon be ready to let it go. Next week we are going to spend your birthday at the Children's Museum with your cousins, and then celebrate here with Abuelitos and Grandpa and Grandma with Minnie Mouse cupcakes. I can't wait to take on 2 with you! We love you to the moon and back Mila Paz!!!