Summer Days

Summer has finally arrived!!! I cannot explain the feeling of waking up on that first day of summer break when you are a teacher. It's like crossing the finish line of a marathon...or let's say what I imagine it would be like to cross the finish line after a marathon. Obviously I have never actually done that. And I am not sure I ever would. Anyways. I woke up this morning to snuggle my kiddos on the couch while we watched Finding Nemo. And it was perfect. We came up with a simple, flexible daily schedule just for the sake of consistency (and my sanity), but I love knowing that we have 10 weeks of just doing whatever we fancy. We can go to the library, the park, the pool, the splash pad, the mall...and I kind of like not knowing just what we are going to do each day. We do what we want. This summer is going to be a lot of fun, and we are going to make the most of it! Mila is old enough to really be able to enjoy our outings more, and her schedule is a little more flexible than it was last summer. Luca is old enough to be involved in camps and VBS, which I know he is looking forward to. And we have an exciting Florida trip planned in just a couple of weeks! I am SO ready to get to the beach with my family and just have FUN!
I cannot believe that at the end of all of our summer fun, Luca is starting kindergarten! I don't know why, but this milestone is hitting me HARD. Maybe it's the fact that I am a teacher, and former kindergarten teacher. Or maybe it's just that he's my first. I don't know. But I am so anxious about this big step. It just makes him seem so grown up. So big! I am trying not to be all emotional over it, but I know I will be when that day comes. And I am anxious knowing that he and I won't be in the same school. At least for now. I always imagined we would be, but that hasn't worked out just yet. I am trying! And I really really really hate that I can't take him on his first day and daddy gets to. One of the downfalls of being a teacher mom. Tonight he learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. His training wheel broke off and he just decided right then and there that he didn't need them. We had tried it once before but he was too scared. Tonight he just went for it. I let go of the seat and off he went. So symbolic. I hope that the start to his elementary career will go just as smoothly!

Balance

Life lately feels like a constant search for balance. I have entered one of those seasons where it just feels like I am running an endless race. Clean the house. Make the meals. Love on the kids. Play with the kids. Teach the students. Plan the lessons. Discipline the children. Connect with the husband. Walk the dog. Shop for the groceries. Organize. Check the calendar. Clean some more. Sleep a little. Maybe a moment to unwind? To breath? I am craving some time for yoga and running lately. And I really don't have any good excuse other than I am constantly exhausted lately. And honestly finding time away from the kids is nearly impossible between Santi's work schedule and the fact that Mila is still a terrible sleeper. I just need some time for me. To recharge. To reconnect to myself and my Maker. And it's that end of the school year slump. I am not even a classroom teacher anymore, but May still gets me. I am checked out. Done. But more than anything lately I am craving a deeper connection with my Creator. Or any connection. And I know I am to blame. I let the exhaustion get me. I sit down to read a devotion or spend time in prayer and I am dozing off in seconds. When I am going through trials or struggles, or just stressful times, He feels so near. I draw close to Him with ease. And I need to be able to do that in the mundane times. The every day times. I am thankful that life right now is pretty simple. Things are good. I have a lot to be thankful for. I should be filled with joy in this season of life. I am living the life so many others would love to have. We have recently started attending a different church, and I am praying for a connection to this body of believers. For some authentic relationships. I know I have a lot of work to do, and my focus needs to shift. I need to find the healthy balance between giving of myself to others, my family, and to my career and giving to myself by allowing myself to recharge spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I need to focus on being in the moment. Practice mindfulness. Life is happening every second of every day, in the midst of the ordinary moments. And my kids are growing up before my eyes. I have to stop letting doubts get the best of me. I have to see each moment for what it is, even when I'm exhausted and out of energy. And take those quiet moments that seem so few to recharge so I can choose joy day in and day out.