Dear Ms. Mila...

Mila Paz,
We are just a week away from your 2nd birthday and I just can't wrap my mind around it. I must say, I absolutely LOVE the little person you are becoming. Your personality has really blossomed in the last couple of months and it's just so much FUN! I think I am really going to enjoy the "terrible twos" with you. Honestly, other than your constant battle with sleep...you are a pretty easy going kid. You are sugar and spice....but more sugar than spice...usually. You are talking up a storm lately and you are oh so funny...and adorable. I can't even handle your cuteness most days. I forgot how fun the early talking days are. You know, before I just want you to be quiet for 2 seconds😁.  Lately you are loving Mickey Mouse, dancing, playing with baby dolls and your doll house, sleeping with 24,207 stuffed animals and babies, eating soup and rice, coloring (on anything and everything 😐), copying everything your big brother "Wuca" does, playing vet with Tevez, and play doh. The big news around here is that you FINALLY started sleeping through the night in your own bed!!! Even though bedtime is still a long process while you situate, cover and uncover your 24,207 babies and stuffed animals, give them all a drink of water, and turn your sound machine on and off about 35 times....you typically fall asleep and stay that way until around 5-6am...at which point you still come to our bed so mommy can catch a little more shut eye. But, I am super proud of this accomplishment. It's a really big deal going from sleeping with mommy and daddy every night and nursing several times a night to sleeping all night in your own bed...and you did it! Even though nights have improved, you are still very much into your nursing during the day. Especially on days when mommy is home all day. As much as I have enjoyed our nursing relationship...I think 2 years is long enough! I am hoping you will be such a busy little 2 year old that you will soon be ready to let it go. Next week we are going to spend your birthday at the Children's Museum with your cousins, and then celebrate here with Abuelitos and Grandpa and Grandma with Minnie Mouse cupcakes. I can't wait to take on 2 with you! We love you to the moon and back Mila Paz!!!

Another Year Gone By

As 2016 comes to a close, I have many mixed emotions. This is the first time that I can recall that I am actually feeling uneasy about the start of a new year. Typically I feel energized and motivated when a new year rolls around. It's a new beginning, a fresh start. A chance to reflect on the year that is ending and look at areas in your life you wish to improve upon. Time to set goals. Make plans...list your hopes and dreams for the new calendar year. 2016 was not particularly difficult for my family or in my own personal life. In fact, it was actually the first year in our almost 10 years of marriage that I can recall in which we had no major life changes or occurrences. No moving, babies, pregnancies, illnesses (thankfully), job changes, school, major trips, or otherwise life altering happenings...good or bad. While I am guilty in the past of praying for an "easy" year at the beginning of a new year, I know that while your comfort zone is just that...comfortable...it's not a place of growth. So even though 2016 was mostly kind to us, and mostly easy, I am ready for 2017 to shake things up a little. I am hoping this year we can make some positive changes for our family in several areas, and there is one big risk in particular that I am contemplating. Maybe it's not so much a risk, but a challenge I may be taking on. More on that when I work through it a little more. But back to that uneasy feeling as 2017 quickly approaches. 2016 may have been a quiet year in our little corner, but for the world and for our country it was anything but. On a national and global level, 2016 was filled with devastation, hate, hurt, loss. Mass shootings, Aleppo, police violence, terror, ISIS, natural disasters...and at the forefront of my mind the ridiculous political season that culminated with the election of someone I believe to be completely unfit to serve as our Commander in Chief. I could go on and on about the many reasons his presidency fills me with fear, but it's already out there. I am not alone by any stretch of the imagination. There are many real reasons that we as a country should be deeply concerned about him taking office in just a few weeks. And I am baffled by the fact that so many people still legitimately believe that he is qualified to hold one of the most powerful positions in the entire world. Mostly my fear is for my children. The decisions he makes in the coming months and years will impact the lives of my children...and all children...for decades to come. Decisions regarding our environment, public education, human rights, war, nuclear weapons...it's truly scary. But I have to continually remind myself that my God is bigger than all of that, and ultimately His plan will prevail. He is in control. And maybe this is all just a wake up call for our country. So as we move into 2017, may it bring peace and hope to our hurting world...may it bring our country together as we strive to become the country we were created to be. And may my own family be challenged in ways that cause us to grow, set goals and accomplish them, make positive changes in health and wellness, grow closer together, closer to Him, and reach out to love and serve others in our community.

Our Crazy Beautiful Life

It's been awhile since I took the time to sit down and blog. We have been engrossed in the day to day since the start of the school year. The first couple of months of a new school year are always busy...and sometimes downright exhausting. We are almost 3 months into kindergarten...and my 11th year of teaching. I am thrilled to say that Luca LOVES kindergarten and he is THRIVING. I could not be more happy. He is excited and ready to go every morning, and he comes home happy each afternoon. He loves his teacher, and he has made many new friends. He is also learning so much and it has been really fun listening to him tell us all about it. He continues to amaze me every day with new things he can do or things he knows. The one challenge for me has been finding the time in the evenings to incorporate some learning at home. I love reading with Luca, and being a reading teacher myself I always want to work with him on sounding out words, reading sight words, and all of the things I know he needs to become a good reader. But I have also been teaching reading ALL DAY. And he has been focused and engaged in learning ALL DAY. And he isn't a huge fan of mommy as a teacher. And I am tired. And I just want to hang out with Luca. And Mila needs my attention too. And I have to make dinner. And clean up dinner. And do baths. And then it's bedtime before we know it. Tomorrow we have his first parent/teacher conference. Being on the other side of the table will definitely be a different experience for me. Sigh. I am sure she will have good things to say.
Ms. Mila has been talking up a storm lately. FINALLY. I was a little worried because she was taking a little longer than Luca, but now her vocabulary is exploding in English AND Spanish! She repeats everything all day long. She will see her baby doll and say "baby crying". She calls Spiderman "man"...and has also started referring to actual spiders as "man". So funny. She loves saying "bye" and "ciao" and waving/blowing kisses to everyone. She asks for her favorite "show" every morning...Mutt and Stuff. It's a kid show with actual trained dogs. Of course she would love a show about dogs. She still loves animals, especially dogs and her "Tay". She loves making animal sounds and knows many animal names. She calls her two favorite foods (peas and blueberries) "bubbles" because they are round. She also loves actual bubbles. She loves climbing on anything and everything, and she is constantly climbing into her highchair on her own...including standing on top of the tray. She will climb up and say "eat"...even though most of the time she does't really want to eat. She is a pretty picky eater like Luca was. She will eat all day with Abuelita....but it's another story at home. She loves "counting" things. She has heard Luca count and I believe she is also listening to me count backwards from 5 when Luca has been warned to do something...ha ha ha. Tonight we read a counting book and she said "5, 4, 3". She loves coloring, painting, play doh, and anything artistic. She holds a crayon perfectly, and she will sit contently for a long time just coloring. She also loves cleaning up messes and she is a great helper! Tonight she stepped on some Goldfish on the floor and was picking up the pieces and putting them into the trash. She is particular about things, and she knows where everything goes. She even cleans up after Luca. Her other favorite thing is being outside. She loves to swing, and she really loves riding around the neighborhood in her little pink car. She is Ms. Independent all the way. She refuses to ride in strollers or the Ergo anymore, and most of the time she refuses to hold anyone's hand when we are out and about. Which can be particularly challenging. Even though she is independent with some things, she is still very much a mommy's girl. And she can be super shy when she's around new people. But it's getting better, and she has stayed in the church nursery without a problem the last two weeks! Sleeping is still a struggle with her. She has never once slept through the night. And she is still nursing several times a night and sleeping in our bed for half of the night. But my plan is to really work on weaning before she turns 2...shhhhh don't tell. As much as I am thankful that I was able to exclusively nurse her for a long time and continue with extended breastfeeding...we have reached that point where I am ready to be able to comfort her in other ways, and I am SO ready to sleep like a normal human.
As for Santi and I. Well we are just working on finding balance between work, kids, home life, faith, marriage, family. This is always our challenge, and we are always in search of new ways to make the most of our time as busy working parents of two. Most weeknights by the time the kids are finally asleep...which unfortunately still takes forever....we are too exhausted to do anything but pack lunches and crash on the couch. Weekends are busy just catching up with housework, grocery shopping, meal prep, and laundry. We struggle to make time for date nights, time with our families, individual time with the kids, and just time for ourselves....time to exercise, relax, get away for a moment of peace. I know it will come. Mila won't be little for long. And Luca is already getting more independent. I am just going to try to stay in the moment and do what I can when I can. And focus on the important things. And drink lots of coffee.

Oh...and just for fun here are a couple shots from our fall family photos. Mila refused to cooperate, but we still got some sweet shots of the little stinker.

KINDERGARTEN!

My baby is starting kindergarten tomorrow!!!! I am beyond exhausted right now. Being a teacher mom is hard. Being a teacher mom with a baby starting kinder is really really hard. But I am putting aside the strong desire to crawl into bed right this second. Because I want to capture this very moment in time. I need to blog about all the emotions I am feeling the night before I send my first born child off to the big wide world. Kindergarten is a whole new beast. I know it, I taught it for many years. And now I get it. I get why it's so hard for parents to let go and leave their kids that first day. Good thing Santi is dropping him off tomorrow. As much as I want to be there, being a teacher myself means that I have to leave this one up to daddy. And that's ok. It's probably easier on us both. I think I am still in denial. We have read all the books. We attended his teacher meet and greet tonight. I love his teacher. She seems fantastic. Her room looks like it came straight out of Pinterest. She sent him home with a little baggie of magic confetti to put under his pillow tonight to help him sleep. But I know that the thing that matters more than any of that is how she will love and teach MY baby. I always referred to my students as "my babies". And to me they were. But they were also someone else's baby first. And I knew that I was entrusted with their care and education each and every day. And that's a huge responsibility. My prayer for Luca's teacher this year is that she would love him for who he is. That she would recognize his unique qualities that make him special. That she would encourage his imagination and fuel his love for learning. That she would teach him all the things he REALLY needs to know...like how to be a friend, how to lift someone up when they are feeling down, how to be independent, how to persevere through challenges, to not be afraid to try new things,  to show compassion to others...the things that will carry him through life beyond academics. I hope that this new school year is filled with special memories and firsts for Luca, that he makes new friends, grows his confidence, and experiences new and exciting things. So tomorrow I send my baby off to kindergarten. I can only hope I will be too busy on my own first day of school to think about it. But I know he will be on my mind all day.

Happy Golden Birthday to Our Sweet Boy

Five. Our baby is turning FIVE. He's not a baby anymore, not even a toddler or preschooler...he's a full blown big kid now. Our little firecracker. He came in with a bang the day after the 4th of July, and he's been full of fun and spark ever since. He continues to keep us on our toes, and while parenting him can be exhausting at times, frustrating at times, and even down right maddening on occasion...I wouldn't want it any other way. His strong will and stubbornness will serve him well as he chases his dreams in life and pursues his happiness. Whatever that may be. And along the way I have learned a little about grace. He is determined without a doubt. He knows what he wants, and he will stop at nothing to get it. Lately that's been candy. Lots and lots of candy. The kid is obsessed. We need to stage an intervention. He even watches candy commercials and demos on You Tube now. Seriously. I try to limit it, but it's summer. And his birthday. But anyways. Aside from his love of obsession with candy, he loves Hot Wheels, Monster Jam (still), sports (always), swimming, fishing with grandpa, riding bikes, dress up (though sadly not as often as he used to), sharks, crafting, and You Tube. Yep. You Tube. In just the last month or so he has learned to ride a bike without his training wheels and how to swim. And he is starting kindergarten in just a few weeks now, KINDERGARTEN. Somehow overnight someone replaced my baby with a big kid. I am in denial. And I think this transition is going to be harder on me than on him. As of right now he is super excited about starting kindergarten. I know there will be some anxiety as the day gets closer...ok, mostly for me, but maybe a little from him. But I know he is going to excel and thrive. Even though he is sometimes hesitant about new experiences and new routines, he is a super outgoing kid and makes friends so easily. We can go to the park and he will almost always find a random kid to play with. I would have never done that at his age. I was far too shy. I admire that about him. I know he will make lots of new friends in kindergarten. And I hope that he is also a friend to those who need one. I also hope that he continues to grow his love of learning, and that he doesn't shy away from challenges. I hope that when he experiences failures that he isn't afraid to keep trying. I hope that in addition to academics, he learns the importance of relationships. That he continues to use his imagination. That he takes time to play and be a kid. That he shows respect and consideration for others. Luca has been our pride and joy for the last 5 years. He was our hopes and dreams realized after struggling to start our family. He brings so much happiness to our lives that I can't imagine life without him. I am so thankful that God chose us to be his parents, and I hope and pray that we are raising him to be all God created him to be. We love you so much Luca Alberto!!!! Always keep your spark!

Summer Days

Summer has finally arrived!!! I cannot explain the feeling of waking up on that first day of summer break when you are a teacher. It's like crossing the finish line of a marathon...or let's say what I imagine it would be like to cross the finish line after a marathon. Obviously I have never actually done that. And I am not sure I ever would. Anyways. I woke up this morning to snuggle my kiddos on the couch while we watched Finding Nemo. And it was perfect. We came up with a simple, flexible daily schedule just for the sake of consistency (and my sanity), but I love knowing that we have 10 weeks of just doing whatever we fancy. We can go to the library, the park, the pool, the splash pad, the mall...and I kind of like not knowing just what we are going to do each day. We do what we want. This summer is going to be a lot of fun, and we are going to make the most of it! Mila is old enough to really be able to enjoy our outings more, and her schedule is a little more flexible than it was last summer. Luca is old enough to be involved in camps and VBS, which I know he is looking forward to. And we have an exciting Florida trip planned in just a couple of weeks! I am SO ready to get to the beach with my family and just have FUN!
I cannot believe that at the end of all of our summer fun, Luca is starting kindergarten! I don't know why, but this milestone is hitting me HARD. Maybe it's the fact that I am a teacher, and former kindergarten teacher. Or maybe it's just that he's my first. I don't know. But I am so anxious about this big step. It just makes him seem so grown up. So big! I am trying not to be all emotional over it, but I know I will be when that day comes. And I am anxious knowing that he and I won't be in the same school. At least for now. I always imagined we would be, but that hasn't worked out just yet. I am trying! And I really really really hate that I can't take him on his first day and daddy gets to. One of the downfalls of being a teacher mom. Tonight he learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. His training wheel broke off and he just decided right then and there that he didn't need them. We had tried it once before but he was too scared. Tonight he just went for it. I let go of the seat and off he went. So symbolic. I hope that the start to his elementary career will go just as smoothly!

Balance

Life lately feels like a constant search for balance. I have entered one of those seasons where it just feels like I am running an endless race. Clean the house. Make the meals. Love on the kids. Play with the kids. Teach the students. Plan the lessons. Discipline the children. Connect with the husband. Walk the dog. Shop for the groceries. Organize. Check the calendar. Clean some more. Sleep a little. Maybe a moment to unwind? To breath? I am craving some time for yoga and running lately. And I really don't have any good excuse other than I am constantly exhausted lately. And honestly finding time away from the kids is nearly impossible between Santi's work schedule and the fact that Mila is still a terrible sleeper. I just need some time for me. To recharge. To reconnect to myself and my Maker. And it's that end of the school year slump. I am not even a classroom teacher anymore, but May still gets me. I am checked out. Done. But more than anything lately I am craving a deeper connection with my Creator. Or any connection. And I know I am to blame. I let the exhaustion get me. I sit down to read a devotion or spend time in prayer and I am dozing off in seconds. When I am going through trials or struggles, or just stressful times, He feels so near. I draw close to Him with ease. And I need to be able to do that in the mundane times. The every day times. I am thankful that life right now is pretty simple. Things are good. I have a lot to be thankful for. I should be filled with joy in this season of life. I am living the life so many others would love to have. We have recently started attending a different church, and I am praying for a connection to this body of believers. For some authentic relationships. I know I have a lot of work to do, and my focus needs to shift. I need to find the healthy balance between giving of myself to others, my family, and to my career and giving to myself by allowing myself to recharge spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I need to focus on being in the moment. Practice mindfulness. Life is happening every second of every day, in the midst of the ordinary moments. And my kids are growing up before my eyes. I have to stop letting doubts get the best of me. I have to see each moment for what it is, even when I'm exhausted and out of energy. And take those quiet moments that seem so few to recharge so I can choose joy day in and day out. 

Dear Luca

Dear Mr. Luca,
I cannot believe we registered you for kindergarten a few weeks ago. It seems like only yesterday you were a diaper clad toddler. Tonight you sat in my lap and it felt like my baby had disappeared! All of a sudden there was a big kid sitting there. Those chubby toddler hands and feet have been replaced. You're getting so tall. And before I know it you will be 5. We will be putting you on the school bus and sending you on your way. And it just makes me want to stop time. It's just going to fast. I want to keep you little! But I know that would not be fair. You have big things to do, and God has an amazing plan for your life. As hard as it is watching you grow up so quickly, I look forward to seeing what your future holds. You are our sweet and sensitive little guy still. You are strong willed, and you don't back down, which I know will serve you well one day. It drives me crazy now. You are independent and outgoing. You love being with your friends at school and spending time with your cousins at grandpa and grandma's house. You are always open to trying new things, and you have the greatest imagination. You are always coming up with crazy ideas. You still love to dress up in different costumes. You are still a fan of sports, firemen, monster trucks, and superheroes. I don't ever want you to outgrow your imagination. I love watching your pretend play. You have also developed an interest in drawing and you are pretty creative! I am looking forward to spending this summer together doing all kinds of fun things. And I am especially excited about our big family vacation to Florida. I know you are going to love it, and I can't wait to relive all my favorite childhood memories from Florida. I love you kid. So so so so SO much.

Mommy

Dear Ms. Mila

Dear Mila,
I haven't been as good about your blog letters as I was with Luca. I know I will probably say this often, but the second child gets the short end of the stick! Life is busy, and I am constantly having to stop and remind myself to take notice of each passing day. Each passing milestone. You are growing so quickly and I cannot believe how quickly the baby days have gone by. The last few weeks you have ventured into the world of walking. You are still very cautious and hesitant, but you will take steps here and there. I think you are also a little impatient, and you have realized that crawling will get you where you want to be much faster than toddling along. We bought you a couple pairs of cute shoes last weekend. Your first real shoes. I think we are beginning a love of shoes and shopping:) A girl can't have too many pairs of shoes. You already like to take my headbands and put them on, even though if I put a headband on you it never stays put. You only want to wear mommy's things. The other day you wrapped Luca's pajama pants around your neck like a scarf. And this morning you grabbed my makeup brush and pretended to put on makeup. I know one day we will have a lot of fun mother/daughter days of shopping, pedicures, and makeup! Besides walking, you have also started babbling a lot more. It will be interesting to see what real words you will say first since you get so much Spanish with Abuelita. I am looking forward to this next stage with you. Toddlerhood is such a fun time! We love you!

Mommy

Happy 1st Birthday Mila Paz!!!

At this time one year ago, Santi and I packed Luca up and sent him to Abuelitos house, then headed to the hospital under a snow advisory...following behind a snow plow as the flakes were coming down. I had worked a full day, my first day back from winter break. I was still one week away from my due date, but I knew that she would come early just like her brother. I was hoping I wouldn't have to return from Christmas break at all, but one day back at school, going up and down all those stairs at Fairview, was just enough to get things going! Labor was much quicker than I anticipated (after laboring over 24 hours with Luca)...and Ms. Mila Paz Sotomayor arrived at 1:06am on 1/6/15. Less than 7 hours after the first contraction. She shared a birthday with one of the delivery nurses. Our little snowflake. We took her home the following day. On one of the coldest days of the year. She fit right into our little family from the very beginning. In many ways, she reminds me of Luca. She is a busy little girl, and doesn't like to stay still. And she can't be bothered with naps or sleeping. She doesn't want to miss a thing. And I guess at night she doesn't want to miss mommy and daddy because she loves to come snuggle in our bed every night. She knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it. Usually this involves high pitched screams or incessant pointing. As long as her demands are met, she is happy and easy going. She is sweet as can be. Loves to give kisses and dance. Waves bye bye. I think she says "baby" now, and "ve" (in Spanish). She also says mama and dada. She loves dogs, especially her big fur baby Tevez. She also loves her big brother, but she isn't afraid to let him know when he is in her way or when he has made her mad. She also has a serious side, and getting her to smile for pictures is next to impossible, as evidenced by her one year photo shoot. But I love how it captures her personality oh so perfectly. So thoughtful, observant, and a little skeptical. I still can't believe she is one. What a year it has been. It sounds so cliche, but I can't imagine life without her now. She was the missing piece to our family, and we are looking forward to watching her little personality continue to unfold!

Photos courtesy of Gift of Today Photography, Bloomington, Indiana

2016...Full of Grace

And suddenly a new year is upon us. 2016. This year Mila will turn one. In a matter of fact, in just one more day we will no longer have a "baby". I don't know how that's even possible. She will always be our baby. To say last year went by fast is an understatement. This year Luca will turn 5. And start KINDERGARTEN in the fall. My baby boy...in KINDERGARTEN. I can't even. Santi and I will celebrate 9 years of marriage. When I look ahead to the new year before us, the fresh beginning that January always brings, I don't want to make resolutions. Sure I have goals, hopes, and plans. But this year I want to focus on one word. Grace. Grace for myself, for my family, friends, coworkers, students...strangers. We are all a work in progress. We are all fighting internal battles. Some we share openly and others we don't. We all have feelings of inadequacy. Feelings of self doubt. Fears. In the past I have had a tendency to be hard on myself. And honestly sometimes too hard on those around me. Sometimes I expect too much. The expectations I set for myself sometimes lead to those negative feelings of self doubt and inadequacies. They creep up on me and cause me to miss out on God's best for me. So this week, this first full week of the new year, it wasn't perfect. And that's ok. I didn't start the year with a long list of resolutions to abide by. I didn't set myself up for failure, but I am focusing on one day at a time, and doing the best I can each day for me and for my family. And if I fail, there is always tomorrow. This weekend we celebrated Mila's first birthday. I started back to work today with birthday decorations still up. My house still a mess.  A few stray Christmas things still hanging around. I was battling a cold, and Luca missed his first day back at school. I was a little scattered at work, and completely unprepared to jump back into teaching my groups. Luca was wound up in the evening, and Santi got home late. I was tired and my patience were short. I wasn't perfect. I ate better today than I have in the last month. But I had a pop with dinner and I definitely ate more than I should have. I have yet to start exercising again. Our budget isn't perfect and we have some work to do in the coming months. But His mercies are new every morning. And we will get there. One day at a time. I am going to celebrate the little successes this year. And be kind to myself. More patient. More understanding. And I am going to take better care of myself. I am going to help Mila learn to sleep on her own so I can ultimately sleep. One night at a time. And tonight was my second successful night of not nursing her to sleep at bedtime. I am sure I will have setbacks with this just like anything else, but it's not all or nothing. We will get there. One step at a time. This is our year.